It’s been a little while since I’ve just talked about my life and what’s been happening. I don’t really have a plan or a structure for this post, and so I’m fairly sure it’s going to be rubbish even before I start it. But man, I think it’s important to ramble. To get up on the soap box and just whinge. Logically I know it’s self-defeating, but emotionally I yearn for some comfort and recognition. I’m not saying my life is terrible, because I know that it isn’t, but I’ve had a pretty challenging weekend, for not very exciting reasons.
Firstly let me say that I love my job. I’ve been putting in a much greater effort to get there early, and I think it’s paying off. I’m certainly enjoying not being stressed about getting stuck in traffic, and the pleasure of seeing my colleagues early is quite gratifying. I love the cats, with all their cheekiness, and I find it very humbling and enjoyable to clean out their litter and give them cuddles throughout the day. I’m still loving operating the register, though the magic has dimmed. But what I love most is walking up to a customer, not to try and sell them something, but to ask them how their day is going. To ask them if I can help them with anything. Often they’ll say no, and then when I ask them just a little bit more (out of curiosity and the hope that they might share more of their story with me) they’ll suddenly change their mind and start a conversation about the beloved animal companions in their lives. Walking up to customers used to terrify me because it held the possibility of rejection, but now that my goal is no longer “to avoid rejection”, a flood of possibility opens up.
Having said all that, I struggled a bit today. Yesterday was spent in a frenzy as we had huge numbers of customers pouring in for a big sale to celebrate another store opening. I stayed in the cat food aisle for about three hours, constantly filling the cans of Fancy Feast and watching with amusement as they emptied themselves out almost as quickly. Today, while there was still a big rush of people, there were quiet moments where I actually ran out of things to do. I had already done all my default activities – I’d emptied the bins, checked for dead fish, checked on the cats, updated the membership database, filled all the catfood, filled the treats and dogfood, presented the whole store… And it scared me. There were three and half hours left of my shift, and I couldn’t imagine what on earth I would spend the time doing other than wandering around aimlessly, talking to customers. As it turned out, the time passed quickly as I got engaged with more of those magical conversations and helped many people find the products that would brighten their lives. I also got to pet some baby animals that had been set up outside the store as part of the grand opening. I learned how to hold and pet goats, chickens, guinea pigs and rabbits, and bottle-fed a lamb and a pig. It was a wonderful experience, and I am reminded and humbled by the unique personalities of every living creature on the planet.
Writing all this has cheered me up considerably, but I have nevertheless been struggling throughout the weekend. Despite over nine hours sleep the past three nights, I’ve been exhausted all throughout the days. It really frustrates and confuses me that after 63 days of taking Vitamin B12 supplements I’m still so exhausted. I have a doctor’s appointment in a week to get another blood test, so until then I suppose coffee is my friend. Apart from struggling to find the energy to walk around the house, or even move at all at times, I’ve been feeling physically unwell. I could list my ailments and complain about them, but I know quite certainly that focussing on unwellness attracts unwellness, or at the very least makes you more aware of how crap you feel. I’d much rather focus on wellness, and what needs to be done.
Gashuku in five days. Mini one, just for the weekend. Stoked.
Getting quite tired now. Spent all this precious time writing a rambling blog, and unapologetic about it. I guess I’ll find time elsewhere to do this assignment that’s been looming over my head! Good night everyone. All the best.