Another Wednesday

Thought it was time for a bit of an update. This entry isn’t going to have much in terms of structure, which makes me a poor/lazy writer, but I never asked you to read in the first place.

Didn’t have such a good day today. Woke up bright and early with a decent 7.5 hours sleep (compared to late 6 hours. Still, how can I complain when there are people getting by off 5, even 4 hours a night?) and arrived at ala College. Didn’t feel like doing the human biology study I had planned, ended up playing a game of chess with Matto-san. Chess is a rare thing for me- I’ve played three or four games in the past few years. I won all of them. Did I get better, or did everyone get a bit worse?

Period one was Human Bio with the Bitch Queen ’07. She wasn’t directly mean to me, but made a few remarks throughout class that were derogatory. I can’t stand her favouritism, and it’s my loss to actually loathe one of my teachers, but hell, she deserves the loathing. I didn’t learn anything in HB, and instead tried to cover for the fact I hadn’t done my homework. Need to catch up, methinks.

Period two was a frustrating series of aural tests in music. I completely blew it in most of them. That got my ego down a little, and at recess, I met with Jack to pass the time in a halfway amusing fashion. Unfortunately, he had to cram for a test (where his cheap-arse calculator broke. He later exacted his revenge by drop-kicking it, then smashing it against the wall. I thoroughly disapproved of the needless violence- it scared me a little, and left something of a mess) but we chatted about various crap anyway. At the end of the break, I felt rather bored with life.

I’ve turned vegetarian. I watched a documentary called Earthlings, which goes for an hour and a half, and is about the five uses of animals to human beings. It talks about speciesism- valuing one species over another. We’re all inhabitants of earth, and while we are concerned about crimes against humanity, the crimes against the rest of life are overlooked. Aye, not eating meat won’t change anything, and aye, I might inspire people to eat three animals for every animal I don’t eat, but out of respect for the animals whose lives were taken in captivity, I will do my best to avoid eating them. Earthlings is a bit graphic and highlights human cruelty- it’s not for the weak-willed. Watching a cow being hung upside down, having its throat slit numerous times, having its larynx ripped out before falling to the blood-soaked cement floor where it bucked and struggled… Yes, I apologised to that cow, and yes, I cried. God help me if that makes me less of a man. If you feel up to it, watch the first twenty minutes or so. If you don’t feel up to it, for whatever reasons, fair enough.

In study period I achieved nothing. Wednesdays are good days for me. Periods 3 and 5, just after recess and just after lunch, are spent studying/working, which is thoroughly productive and generally quite enjoyable if I can keep awake. This particular Wednesday, not so. I felt unable to work, and I couldn’t shut out the dozen conversations going on. Marsala kept trying to persuade me to kill certain people- it’s just one of those stupid things people pretend I have a reputation for. I ended up spending most of the period exchanging death threats with him and getting progressively more bilious. By the end of it, not only was I bored with life and all it had, I had become invincible. Someone could have stabbed me with a knife and I probably wouldn’t have been all that fazed by it. Nick was snapping scissors because, frankly, he’s an idiot and needs something to amuse himself at any given time. He started threatening to cut me, and I stood up, walked over, and complied to let him. He didn’t of course, so I moved my hand inbetween the blades of the scissors while he was cutting them. He moved his hand away, and I followed until he started beating me with the flat of the metal. I truly felt that there was nothing that would affect me. It transcended apathy, it was simply pure indifference. There was no point in doing my schoolwork, there was no point in living, really. Sure there’s good every now and then, but bad is far more certain. It’s not possible to live a perfectly happy life, but it’s possible to live something closer to an entirely miserable life. Why bother? When so much suffering lay ahead, why torture yourself into doing homework? No, the teachers could do what they wanted to me. If I could care less about being shredded by Nick’s scissors, like hell the teachers could harm me.

Period 4 was Applicable maths. Ever since my earliest memories, I’ve never been fond of maths. It was my choice, aye, but it’s a choice I’m comfortable with. I’m very far behind on the course and everything they talk about, the exercises they do, the things they practice and discuss, completely escapes me. I noticed, to my derision, that I was attention seeking. I just didn’t understand anything. I started hurting Liam, and even myself, in the hopes someone would notice I wasn’t feeling quite okay. If they did, they didn’t care, or didn’t respond. So I spent the period becoming increasingly desperate for someone to pay some attention to me, without success. I didn’t go for lunch after that, I just stayed in the classroom when it emptied, looking out the window at the river. Pretty river, that. Laurence Bye noticed and joined me, uninvited. He pestered me for a bit, and I ended up using Taekwondo (illegally. If Master Ross knew, I’d be in trouble) to hurt him enough to leave me alone. After that, Liam, Patrick, Richard, Henry, Mark and a few other people entered the room. While Jack was practicing his physics, I planned to spend lunch by myself, and was quite annoyed at the intrusion. I also (accidentally) speared Mr Tobin with some desks I was carrying for him- sorry Tobes. My bad. I contemplated going home. I knew I wasn’t going to learn anything in the following two periods so there was no real point in going there to suffer. All I could think about was playing Resident Evil- one of a half dozen pleasures in life. Annaliese, the school counsellor, wasn’t at school today so I couldn’t talk to her, Jack was busy, RE was all the way at home, and all the people I wanted to see were beyond my reach. So I crawled under a desk, curled up, and waited for everyone to go to class.

The bell for period 5 rang. I didn’t leave. The classroom was empty, and Henry had planned to stay there to continue studying even though he had to go to calculus. I decided to join him and play Pokémon Diamond, which I had brought to school for something to do on the train home. Henry chickened out (for want of a euphemism) so I just stayed there and played Diamond for 45 minutes. Joel Tavner joined me a few minutes in to do his chemistry assignment. Initially I had tried conversation, but Joel, clearly more experienced, admonished me for mentioning his name while there was a class next doors. So we spent the lesson whispering occasionally. Mr Porter walked in 10 minutes before the end of the period, and I stashed my DS before he saw it. To his credit, he basically waved us off as he began putting test papers on everyone’s desks for the Discrete test period 6. He’s a kind man, and I wish I could repay him somehow.

After that, things picked up. I played some Resident Evil (HOLY CRAP! Note to self: Do NOT shoot regenerators in the legs. They will crawl towards you twice as fast as they can walk, latch on to your neck, and freaking drain the life out of you), went to Taekwondo (Ross imparted more of his wisdom on me. It’s not about strength, it’s about precision. If it was about strength, I would never beat someone who’s stronger than me), did stuff. Neglected my homework. Spent more 43 minutes writing a blog entry instead of sleeping. Will be getting up in approximately 6.5 hours time for another fun-filled day of school. All in the life of me, I guess.

So yes. Not such a good day, but with the help of Pokémon, things picked right up. Ah my beloved pocket monsters- you’ve saved my life yet again.

Peace.

~X

Note to self: Anya + Wildflame.
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Technical difficulties

Well damn. 6:05am the morning an assignment is due, and hey, I knock over a glass of water and destroy my mouse. Now what? Freaking hell, this has slowed me down by a few freaking HOURS. I’ve already lost 60% of my total mark because it’s two days late. Add on a broken mouse, that’s aggravation.

Karma, anyone? Heh, yet, despite this, I have ability enough to open up my internet and write out a blog about how enfeebled I am instead of trying to repair the mouse or do my assignment. Brigette Savvy-Walsh, if I ever write a kill list (I won’t), you’ve reserved a place.

Power-rant

This is not an entry. This is a two minute power rant. I only have two minutes.

It’s 6:20 am. Darned. I got up at 5:30. Woke up at 3 because I dreamed Eugene’s car was rolling down a hill. I threw out my arm as I chased it, and knocked over the glass on my bedside table. Swearing I cleaned it up. 5am, woke up from nightmares. School, leavers. Darn them. So that’s my second night of troubled sleep. What a whingey little bitch I am.

Why get up at 5, you ask? I’m sure you don’t, but anyway, to study. Why aren’t I studying? Because I feel filthy. Eugene stayed up all night, so of course he has little to no regard for the rest of the house. He trashes every room he enters while we sleep, and then goes to bed. I’ve been cleaning a little, but it’s too depressing. Ha. Depressing. Anyway, so I’ve settled for chaos. If I can’t live in immaculate order (a pipe dream if I ever heard one) I may as well trash the house, knocking things over and scattering accoutrement everywhere so I don’t have to clean.

Playing Resident Evil 4. Greatest most enjoyable game since Zelda Ocarina. Problematically, like Twilight Princess, my brother insists on watching me play. That in itself was tolerable- he’s spending time with me, enjoying a great text like I am. However, when it comes to the point he forces/blackmails me into playing every single freaking day, for like 30-60 minutes, it’s fuck off bullshit. I no longer play for enjoyment. Eugene breaks the suspension of disbelief, by gasping and saying "Ooh!" as if he knows what to do. Or "John behind you!" when a zombie-esque creature stumbles towards me. Yeah Eugene, I know. Stfu. Although, to my credit, I rock the house, and then some. What’s that? Six mace-wielding zombies surrounding you? Blow up that barrel, two headshots, a knee-shot, kick in the face, turn around, riot gun that sorry ass bastard who thought he could pull one over you. Oh no, three more! What’s that? They have shields? KABLOOIE!

Still working on that whole living thing. It’s been 6 minutes, so I’ll be damned, I’m time wasting. Half an hour before I should be getting ready for school. And although I keep thinking of Ivy and her workload every time I want to complain.. Ah hell, what right to I have to bitch like this? Well, I have the right to, but it’s not entirely fair or empathetic of me. So I’ll go now.

Just… one last question. Why did they leave the workload to Year 12? When we have 3 terms instead of 4 (you know, scratch 10 weeks off the calender) and study more information than the previous four years combined, why lay 3 tests a week on us? As well as assignments, and in my case, a theoretical 6 hours of practice (bullshit. Try half an hour) every day? Combined with my incessant and to a degree voluntary obsession with RE4, I think I’ll just go and lie down for a while. And not get up. Oh wait, can’t, Friday is tomorrow! At last. Well… Just three tests to go. I’ll stop whinging now. Blargh. 6:30.

"My life is based on order. Add chaos, and I cease to live."
-Me.

Madness

Date: 31st of July, 2007.

“I’ll have a cup of earl grey please.” He did not know if he’d like earl grey, but knew Artemis Fowl enjoyed it so he thought he’d try it. The woman behind the counter stared at him for several uncomfortable moments and then looked at the television screen as subtly as she could manage, which was blatantly obvious.
“Yes, I look like him. I’ve been told,” he said with a smile and an airy sigh. She didn’t quite buy it, judging his age and appearance.
“What school do you go to son?” she asked trying to be casual. The tension in her voice was almost tangible.
“St Brigids,” he replied, saying the first school that came to mind.
“But St Brigids is a girl’s school,” she replied, suddenly anxious. With another lofty sigh, he looked away for a moment before drawing a pistol (he didn’t know what kind) and aiming it at her.
“All right, you got me. Don’t even think about it,” he said, aiming the gun at the phone she just reached for. “In fact,” he said and drew a police baton from his Trinity College sock. With a whip-like crack, the baton struck down on the plastic phone three times, smashing and cracking it into six broken pieces.
“Now,” he said in his naturally calm, polite voice, “My tea, please.” Her hands shook as she hurried to make it for him, and he set the baton down and took it from her when she gave it to him. Taking a sip (he had no free hands to put sugar in it) he put it down with disappointment as it scalded his throat.
“Thank you,” he said, aiming the gun at her.

The bullet pierced her skull before the scream could fully escape her lips. He leapt over the counter and cracked the baton across the waitress who was screaming as she tried the back door. Turning around, he fired at the patrons running madly for their lives, the few of them who had come to the gates of hell this day. Only one of them, one little girl got away. He had a chance to shoot her, still it was not too late, but he decided maybe he’d let her escape.
“Fine! Run then!” he called after her, tears rolling down her cheeks, her blonde pigtails swinging madly. “You’ll have nightmares! Just remember I could have saved you from them!”

To be continued…

Knives and forks

Am I eccentric like my brother?

It is without question that I’m downright weird at times. The things I appreciate, enjoy, respect… I stop and smell the roses- their fragrance is the most beautiful part of living. I prioritise, and often neglect the medium-long term in order to wallow in the glory of the short. I respect the horror genre, and Happy Tree Friends, and even to a twisted and despicable extent, murderers and even rapists, though I may hate them. I’m the most peculiar person I know. Case in point, last night on the spur of the moment, I helped a girl from PLC to her feet by offering her my hand. Additionally, I was kind of hovering over the shoulder of the French exchange student who’s name I know is impossible for me to properly pronounce, just clinging to the accent and romantic silkiness of his words. Damn I wish I had a French (or better yet, Spanish) accent. What a freak, no?

To cut straight to it, as the chorale lined up to walk on stage, Tom was being an idiot. The things he says like "Man, that was hell mad!" really bother me. He insults the English language- or perhaps he just uses it in a different way. Regardless, two minutes before a performance, standing within ear’s reach of the audience, was… for want of a better word, unprofessional. So, I did what I believed Leonard/Desmond would have done, and what Doc expected me to do. I told Tom to be quiet, although the words I used were thus:
"Tom, a gentle hush," I implored, raising my hand to quiet him. He stared at me for a few seconds, then loudly asked
"Are you gay?"
Everyone laughed.

I felt anger spark, and then suddenly a terrible cold. I turned away muttering something about stupidity. Yes, Tom is stupid (or at least acting so), and it’s more than I can bear. Why do these people have to be so… so… themselves? Trinity College seems to be the breeding ground for prejudice, but I suppose we’re better than most schools. But really people, am I so different?

I don’t think I have a place in Trinity. I never have, really, these four and a half years. Why start now with only some 8-9 weeks left?