An apology

I broke down crying afterschool when I saw I got 40% in my English exam.

The morning I arrived, 10 minutes late and without warning, I was given an essay. I thought, "Hey, such a nice day. It won’t matter if I fail this entirely, so heh, *scribble scribble scribble*"

On the top of my essay plan, I wrote "I’m screwed. Screwed like a whore on crack."

Still, I was fortunate because nobody watched me cry. I guess what pushed it over the edge was Sam, who was walking past.

He always has the collar of his blazer up, just so I put it back down. It bothers me when collars are up, you see. Anyway, he was walking down the stairs, and called out

"Hey John!"

I tried to vault the railing and land on the platform below, but I kind of stuffed up, major time. I just about fell off and landed on the concrete, scrambelled to my feet and jumped on top of him, forcing his collar down and pinning him to the wall.

"Just keep your fricking collar down, or I will kill you. *shoves down stairs*"

Then I went back up to my books which were resting on a broken chair, leaned against it and sobbed uncontrollably for a while at how much of a failure I was. Alas, sometimes life doesn’t go all that well for me.

Heh heh. Mr Watson was pretty mean.

I thought to myself: Hey, I’m having such a shitty day, news of my essay will surely cheer me up! Even if it’s bad, it won’t really matter. How very wrong I was.

"How did I do?"

"Don’t remember. Oh wait, very bad."

"Terrible, I knew it" I smiled.

"I would even go as far to say terrible."

"Appalling, without doubt." My heart had just fallen a few more notches.

40%, ha. His comment was rather cruel too. Completely missed the question, did basically very poorly.

 

In response to Chazwozzer, yeah, it’s hard to get out of those kind of moods without a pick-me-up, but nobody realised I was feeling capable of murder. When Sam left, I fantasized killing him the next time I saw his collar up. I’m pretty unpredictable. When I’m in a normal mood, that’s just being erradic and peculiar. I don’t like following the norm, being labelled as a certain type of person who’s part of the mediocrity. If I’m labelled anything, let it be weird, a freak, or a Shibi.

 

Anyways, you might want to just disregard a lot of everything I’ve said. I just get close to snapping when I’m put under intense pressure. One year 11 did walk up behind me while I was kneeling against the chair and trying to control my breathing.

"You okay man?"

"I’ll live."

"I’m not the one kneeling against a chair here."

After a moment, I asked "How are you?"

"Awesome."

"Well good on ya mate." He left a while later. Drying my tears (I’m not a pussy to be human, all right?), I got a drink and trumped off to chorale, checking along the way if it was obvious what state I was in. I eventually got back into a good mood over the hours that followed.

 

Until Eugene silenced me, that is.

"You really can’t tell when someone doesn’t want to talk to you, do you?"

"It’s very hard for me to," I answered quietly.

"Learn!" I didn’t talk for another half hour, settling myself with ideas about letting people forget the sound of my voice and never talking to anyone unless they wanted something from me first. Anyways, got out of that mood after an extensive period of time, and I’d just like to apologise to Patrick, Sam, and anyone else who is perturbed by this entry. I’m sorry, but I’m human too, albeit one who’s eccentric and despises the actions of humanity (myself included at times). Man, I can really be a total jerk one minute, then offering my cheek (as the saying goes) the next. In other words, asking whoever I’ve annoyed to hit me as retribution, but very rarely do they have the heart to. Nobody’s taken up my offer to kill me either. I don’t get jokes very well.

School

I sit here, like everyone else does, but there is one difference. I am not like everyone else.

 

I don’t think Patrick realises how much I’ve come to respect him. I guess I’m a hardass like everyone’s been telling me. I can’t take a joke sometimes, but I’ve been having a pretty shoddy day. No, that’s not true, I’ve been having a wonderful day, but I’ve chosen to perceive it negatively. I’ve given up my option for happiness and chosen to be in a bad mood. There’s not much sense in that, true, but I can’t really pull out of it with some sort of spark to get me going. *sigh*

 

Patrick isn’t my friend. I guess I really don’t have all that many friends at Trinity. No, scrub that. I don’t have any friends here. People have forgotten what it means to be a friend. I’m not a very good friend myself. I don’t know what I’m talking about, I’m just a hypocrite, and a bullshitting one at that. Well it doesn’t matter, not in the longrun. Just another bad day to be forgotten in the end. It shouldn’t be a bad day anyway- I had a fantastic day up until about an hour and a half ago. I don’t get how things could tip so negatively. Nevermind, I’d better get to work. It’s 2:22, and school ends at 2:30. Maybe I should send my work home or something. It’s not like it matters- I left it all up until now anyway. A 5 week English assignment to be compacted over a single weekend. Brilliance John. There’s not time like the future.

I miss Ivy =(

Tales of Singapore

Of late, I seemed to have developed a new passion.

Whenever we’re in History, learning about World War 2, the subject of the Fall of Singapore arises. I despise those three words- as I’ve argued many a time (with empty threats as my only proof), Singapore never fell. It was always in glory.

I feel almost patriotic by obligation. I can’t really explain it, but yeah when I was running out of time in the IT test (I had to do two in one period because I missed last week’s), there was a question that read along the lines of "Why was Singapore so important to the British, and why did it fall?" I wrote in large letters, taking up two lines per letter,

 

SINGAPORE DID NOT FALL!

(The land of milk and honey, sir.)

 

Something tells me I didn’t quite get full marks for that one. Nevertheless, we were reading in class today and it announced the name of a Singaporean Prime Minister. From the front of the class, you could hear this "Yay!" When the Japanese stormed through Malaya, someone cursed "Damn you!" Mr Osnain looked right at me and ordered me to read with a laugh.
"All righty! Singapore- the land of milk and honey- blah blah blah" and I have no reason why either. I just feel I have more of me attached to Singapore than Australia. Probably because all I’ve gotten from Singapore are positive experiences, and I cannot say the same for Australia. Mr Osnain finally interrupted the laughter and comments with a "He’s from Singapore people!" to explain my patriotism, and I must say I did feel a swell of unexplainable pride and an ego boost.

Nevertheless, after class I hung back to straighten a pile of magazines (I just can’t stand that sort of thing) and he asked me about my heritage, recalling I’m partially Burmese (my father’s side). His Dad is from Singapore, "Hence the reason you go there to buy cheap aerosol cans," "Aheh heh, yep," and he wanted to know why I loved it so much, having only been there once. "Ah, that’s a rather akward question." You try telling your teacher your girlfriend lives a few hundred kilometers away. "Ah, right, obviously someone you care a great deal for is over there." I was surprised by the precision of his response, but smiled and laughed, agreeing.

 

On the plus side, I’m returning to Singapore shortly. It’s been occupying a lot of my thoughts lately. On November 26th, the day after school finishes, it’s off to the land of milk and honey for a little over two months. Two months! Sure craps all over the 5 days Ivy spent here, doesn’t it? Ooooooooooooooooomigosh can’t wait.

A small act of kindness.

You know. It really is amazing how much good a simple smile can do. A small act of kindness from a stranger can be taken to heart so deeply to know that somebody cares for you when you thought everyone had forgotten. People need to be reminded that they’re loved sometimes. I’m just glad today I was lucky enough.
 
Hm… perhaps that idea Mr Smith taught us may work. There was once a school project; everyone go out and do one small act of kindness, only in exchange that that person then go off and do the same. Somehow it spread to another country, and kind of reached all corners of the Earth. It sounds like it could work… Only one way to find out.

Plans for Global Domination

I had to take my brother’s tutoring lesson because he was too lazy to get up. Forced to leave in a hurry, I exclaimed that I would come up with a plan for global domination with my newfound superintelligence once I returned, and lo and behold!

 

~15"Agile. Wise. Strong. The qualities of Perfection, to me abide. The hero is the villain, the Prophecy hidden inside." Xercius says:
I bet you thought that I wouldn’t find a way how to rule the world from that lesson, din’t you?
~15"Agile. Wise. Strong. The qualities of Perfection, to me abide. The hero is the villain, the Prophecy hidden inside." Xercius says:
Well guess what! I did!
~15"Agile. Wise. Strong. The qualities of Perfection, to me abide. The hero is the villain, the Prophecy hidden inside."
Xercius says:
I have a genius plan for global domination.
Ich liebe dich <3 says:
You certainly ruled me. *croons and melts into your arms*
~15"Agile. Wise. Strong. The qualities of Perfection, to me abide. The hero is the villain, the Prophecy hidden inside." Xercius says:
I’m going to make a whole heap of potassium shells and mini-bullets, and shrapnels and things like that, and seize the world with military force
~15"Agile. Wise. Strong. The qualities of Perfection, to me abide. The hero is the villain, the Prophecy hidden inside." Xercius says:
Becauae Potassium reacts so violently with water, it will burst into flame if it’s even exposed to air.
~15"Agile. Wise. Strong. The qualities of Perfection, to me abide. The hero is the villain, the Prophecy hidden inside." Xercius says:
Using oil over gunpowder will not only keep them safe to use, but have the same basic effect. If they get lodged in, say, a human body, not only will they wound and burn, they’ll poison.
~15"Agile. Wise. Strong. The qualities of Perfection, to me abide. The hero is the villain, the Prophecy hidden inside." Xercius says:
With these genius devices, I shall take over the world.
~15"Agile. Wise. Strong. The qualities of Perfection, to me abide. The hero is the villain, the Prophecy hidden inside." Xercius says:
It’s brilliant!

21 years later…

"A man drones at the front of the room. He speaks a language I cannot understand, nor will I need in my life once I leave this place. He speaks foreign words in an anlien tongue; enforcing, not encouraging.
"Study this!" he says, and we write it down in our notes.
 
Surely I am not alone in this struggle. Twelve-hundred of us reside here, and yet I cannot be the only one to realise this trapped existence which has no real purpose in the entirety of my life. If I were to live my dreams and the life I desire, I will never find occassion to draw upon the 6 hours a day, these forced 35 hours a week I am doomed to.
 
It’s totalitarianism. Rebel against the system, and you are punished, supressed, and silenced."
 
Something I wrote during a Chemistry lesson. An important one apparently. I was having a very bad day, and ended up muttering to myself about the school being a system that allows freedom of thought, but does not allow expression of that. You know, typical evil murmurs under the breath, hating school, realising it’s pointless really etc etc. for an hour or too. *sigh* It was a very bad day for me. Just thought I’d put it in my blog.