I’m going to attempt a blog entry now. I’ve been more and more detracted from it by the responses I’ve been getting, and either my entries suck, or the world has a problem with them. Either way, it’s not all that great for me. I have a bunch of trivia to write, and overall hopefully it should amount to something.
-I did not have a shower until 11:45pm last night. Filthy, filthy bastard. Jack would not approve, and I certainly wouldn’t either. My reasons? I didn’t want to leave the computer for the 5 minutes it would have taken to shower. MSN sucks the life out of me. So why don’t I learn? Well I did, because I stopped using it, but the rare occassion where I’ll sign in to see if there’s anyone worth chatting to… If there is, hours of my life can be scrapped in advance. And myspace! Kathleen’s right, I’ve been addicted. I have ALWAYS hated myspace, but now I check it frequently. Not to update my own, thankfully, but to glean a mere two or three profiles worth viewing. I learn more about people through their myspace than through them!! Is myspace a godsend to spread and maintain friendship around the world? Or is it a plague that drives people to take photos of themselves and leave mindless comments about how sparkly a profile is?
-When I did have that shower, it was a hot one. Ever since Georgie made the comment "Gee, John your life is just SO difficult. You are above petty restictions such as cold what a load of bullshit!" I have denied myself hot showers. That was on the 02/04/07, so it’s been over a month. It’s approaching winter, and it’s been cold, but I’ve been stronger than that. Now? Some research resulted in the crestfalling knowledge that I gain nothing from it, except being cold. No physical benefits, just a stupid trial to torture myself. Also, because my showers are shorter (not all that fun, being in a cold shower, though it’s not entirely uncomfortable either) I may not clean myself as thoroughly as I would. Therefore, I had a hot shower. That lasted half an hour. I cannot stand myself! Such extravagant time wasting, it happens every time I’ve had a hot shower. I just zone out and dream! So that’s it, either focused, briefer hot showers, or pneumonia and a few extra minutes.
-I am not a samurai. Not by a long shot. I don’t even follow their principles religiously. Hell I don’t even know their principles. I have never been trained in kenjutsu, and if I ever am, I will never be able to use that knowledge in anything. I will not strike or cut anybody with a sword intentionally. If I do snap some day and actually go on a hitokiri killing spree, it’s better I’m inexperienced with the blade so I don’t maul my way through Perth. Too many lives lost. I’m not a samurai. Not by a longshot. Goodbye Samurai Signs list.
-I’m not a ninja. Yeah that’s right, you heard me. Your petty insults mean nothing now. I won’t go on Bounty’s Revenge again. See if you can make me, I dare you. I don’t have the skillz, not even in hacking. Not much of an acrobat, can’t hold my own against someone reasonably trained in the martial arts, have zero stealth stat… No, my charade of pretending to be ninja-esque is over. You know why?
-I think I’d make a better pirate. By the gods the world is ending. Wait- was that a pun? Is Pirates of the Carribean: At World’s End coming out soon? Harr harr harr matey, it sure is ya faggot. Yeah it’s true. I’m a fucking pirate. I carried a compass around for a year, until Liam pointed out ninjas don’t need compasses and pirates do (I don’t need a compass, but it was something to play with in class). Lord Xin from RuneScape wore an eyepatch and carried a dagger at all times. I say Arr! in frustration and Harr! in mirth. I drank rum! Jamaican rum, and it was liquid ambrosia. Admittedly, I get sea sick easily, but on the scale of awesome (pirates being bottom, ninjas being top) I’m in the negatives. If I can work my way up to pirate, I can at least be killed by a ninja!
-What’s that? I’m being defeatist? Where’s the sense in that? A very good point my observant friend. Well, I’ve thought about it, and I’ve decided that (yes, here we go again) we’re all going to die. Ultimately, what are we but interdependent molecules to sustain life- the life force, soul, spirit, life. A dead animal is the same as a living animal until it decomposes. What is life, exactly? What makes those cells work together? At any rate, all we are are molecules with the capacity to think and do stuff. That’s pretty cool, don’t get me wrong. But really, why do we bother living? Humans take satisfaction in the knowledge they accomplish things, however great or small, before they die. That’s all fine and dandy, but no matter how much you accomplish, no matter what you do in this life to make it better or worse, you’ll die anyway, no matter how hard you try. So why do we bother living at all? No, I’m not suicidal. Not in the definition that means slitting my wrist and writing poems with my blood. I’m more of a, All right, since I’m going to die, I’m going to kill as many bad people as I can because it’s easier to kill than to convert. Hence, war! Yes, I will wage war against the bad people in the world and go against every principal I have ever had for my entire life by taking the lives of strangers. Why not? They’re going to die some day, but they’re happy enough for the moment. Yes, let the mortals seek happiness. And then let death take them so it didn’t matter whether they were happy or not.
Going back to my original topic, what’s the point in living? I cannot say my argument is at all reasonable, because I’ve not experienced all life has. Who knows, somewhere down the line I might find a reason to live. "Of Human Bondage" said that life was basically all about having a family some day. I can’t help falling in love, and the chances are, I probably will. I’ll change my mind and decide to have kids afterall (It’s true. I didn’t want to bring them in to a world to live a meaningless existence and then die. Also, I didn’t want to pass on genes are wretched as my own. I’d almost be doing the world a favour by not having children. Maybe I will go into priesthood? No that’s just crazy talk) and we’ll be one happy family. Until that day, I continue with the firm belief that life has no real purpose. The things that matter most are friends, security/health and family. To be honest, I have only one friend that I would live for, and she’s not Jack. And, unfortunately, she’s not you either Lee. If it weren’t for her, I would genuinely believe my life is not worth living. For now, I must sustain this damned existence of stressed homework and rugged piratism with a few fleeting moments of joy thrown in the mix. Arr.