Another messed up rant

All right blog. Eugene has set my mind reeling. I was alot more angry earlier tonight, but not so much now. I’m listening to "Universe" and now "Ah, Sweet Dancer". I suppose I’ll be all right soon. Hormones and mood swings, depression and other blessings. Isn’t puberty wonderful.

Mm, I guess I wanted to talk to someone alot more earlier. To release some of the frustration I was feeling. I wanted to break something, but I guess it happens to everyone at some stage. I didn’t want to relax, I didn’t want to.. to feel peaceful again, I wanted to rant and rave and rage my heart out. Still, I don’t think I’m going to be able to now. After the anger comes the depression, but I’ll be all right. *sigh* Ivy loves me. Nothing else matters right now, but God it’s getting so hard to live without her. It’s times like these when I really need her to be here for me, but she has work to do, she’s going to sleep. I don’t think she’s coming on when I asked if she could, I’ve yet to receive a reply. Nevermind, the music will soothe the wild beast I suppose.

Matt would be very proud of me. Animalistic, screaming about seeing hobbits from hysteria, punching things and smashing walls with pillows. Yep, that’s me when I’ve lost it. If you’re unlucky enough to prod me I’d probably dance circles around you smacking you in every possible opening until you’re lying crippled on the ground. *sighs, again* Nah, I wouldn’t. I’d stride back to my room and rant like I’m brinking now. I want chocolate. *eats, wait for it, chocolate.* Okay. Here’s the plan.

Plan A. Rave for a little while, just cool off, feel all right and go to bed curtly and happily remembering that I have a beautiful and wonderful girlfriend who will love and care for me forever. Okay, smiling, Plan A just succeeded. Don’t quite feel like going to bed yet.
Plan B. Go to bed anyway.
Plan C. Improvise.
Plan D. Kill Eugene/anyone who touches another nerve tonight
Plan E. Against the rules, not an option.

Alrighty. Plan A. But how do I get the will to sleep? I could just stay up for a while and wait I suppose. Perhaps I should start reading Message in a Bottle. Yes, that sounds nice. Mm, my fingers are sore from playing the guitar. I love playing it, but if I do it too much my fingerstips will harden until they’re rough and no longer feel pain. Let me tell you: ouchie. My poor poor fingers. Still, I’m proud. I can play Love Grows and Zelda’s Lullaby after about 10 mistakes per song, really, really slowly, but that’s okay. Practice makes perfect.
Practice = Ouchie. Ouchie + more Practice = Bigger Ouchie. Bigger Ouchie + Ouchie = *censored naughty words*
Thus is the life of a musician.

Okay, I’m going to get ready for bed, read myself to sleep and ** yeah. Mm… Okay I’m just about back to normal now. Thank you Ocean, Pretty Boy McGregor/Nicole Kidman and Jay Chou. Good night whoever the heck decided to read this, and Dav-za, please piss off. You need to find more of a life than reading my blog. I don’t essentially mind, but sometimes you creep me out a little, which isn’t a good thing.

Good night world



Xin vs the Magma Man

Anyways, hello there! I had the coolest dream last night, I thought I’d tell someone, and that someone happened to be you! Aren’t you lucky? Since I don’t actually care whether or not you’re interested, I’m going to retell it because it was coooooooooool.


Time was short. We had but a few days to get to the city, but the portal was guarded by fearsome monsters. The only way past them was to slay them, and very few had ever succeeded. Bones were scattered about the weapons area; my living room with the floor covered in sharp shiny things ^^

I armed myself with a longsword and squareshield and stepped into the arena. Before me a giant spider crept out from the darkness. A swollen abdomen with a purple streak, snapping pincers and 8 beady red eyes, it came at me slowly, testing my courage. I battled in vain, slashing at it’s legs but it was too strong. I acquiesced, and somehow it let me leave with my life. Skipping a whole bunch of boring crap here, I eventually decided for a rematch.

I uncovered a halberd (see picture) from the piles of helmets, swords and shields. It was as tall as I was and still very sharp. I smiled as I set it aside, also selecting a battleaxe which I slid into my belt, along with a short sword and somehow managing to set a kiteshield there as well.

Confidently, I returned to the arena, Eugene watching me encouragingly, but this time my foe was not an oversized arachnid. Before me stood a man that seemed made of partially solidified magma. Heat radiated from the being as it turned around, the lava cracking as he moved. It faced me with passive eyes, and I grinned cockily back at him.
"Whenever you’re ready," it challenged.

Accepting that as an invitation, I swung my halberd at him. It missed as he leaped back, and I followed, using the momentum to twist and swing again, this time slashing his chest. I grunted, swinging again and cutting more and more as he dodged, exposing his back to me. He didn’t seem to be attacking any time soon, so I slowed down, timing my attacks to give my arms enough time to rest and hacking away at his back.

When he did turn he brought a demon blade down at me. I blocked the swipe with the blade of my halberd, and he relentlessly brought it down upon me again and again. Each time I caught it in one of the edges of the blade but he didn’t slow. Raising it horizontally I blocked with the wood, again and again as he weaved a pattern of notches into it in a skillful succession of attacks. Each I blocked with determination (not to mention incredible skill and awesome reflexes ;)) until he disarmed me.

Somewhere during the battle I had noticed my kiteshield was missing, making my job a whole lot harder. I could stab this guy in the back and he’d barely flinch, but regardless I drew the battleaxe and slashed at him again. It chunked off pieces, but it was no match for my beloved halberd and soon he forced me to drop it. Drawing my last weapon, I slid the knife (short sword turned into it somehow, see pictures) from its sheath and blocked his blade once, twice, thrice more before jumping back. I couldn’t win without a long-distanced weapon, so he ignored me as I jogged back into the weapons room to raise another halberd.

Unfortunately, after that it branched off to some nonsense. I think it might have involved wizards later on, I was an apprentice, but eh, no where near as cool as my fight with the demonic lava dude. That was an awesome dream, and you know how dreams feel real when you’re actually dream them? Man that was so so cool. So sad to wake up :( Heh heh. Woot. I want a halberd.


Anyhoo, that’s pretty much it for this entry. Other news includes finally chopping off a small part of my to-do list; writing a bunch of Ivy musak to CD, practicing the piano, a diary entry, clearing out my yahoo email and writing this blog entry. Yes, I add to it daily which makes it a virtually neverending list. Isn’t it wonderful? Nevermind, it feels nice to get some things done after neglecting them for so long. Ah well, I’d better get going. Wee I love Ivy.


2 weeks left

You know, I thought to myself.

"I write in this blog too much. Nobody cares, nobody wants to read anyway. I don’t want to make it boring." Then I was struck with a revolution. "WHO CARES?! It’s my blog, I can write in it about whatever I want, and you are powerless to stop me! Bwuhahahaha."

Things are going nicely. Few mosquitoes here and there, and re-reading my last entry, I made it seem pathetic. But seriously, you can’t see anything, you’re looking up at the ceiling in twilight and all you can hear are these tiny little creatures wizzing past your ear, sucking your blood. That’s scary. I’ve gotten over my paranoia, but those little bastards better watch out.

Ivy doesn’t have school tomorrow, but she’ll be doing a whole heap of spring cleaning, and I’ll try and bully her into getting most of her homework done so we have the weekend. Wouldn’t that be so so nice? Yes of course it would. I’m also starting to worry for Pete, he hasn’t seen Raph in ages, poor guy. Sometimes I think I neglect Ivy, and the scary thing is; I don’t know if I do. She’d never tell me if I was. It worries me. I want to make sure she always knows that I love her, I never want her to think I hold anything above her.

Remember that story I spent 2 hours editting? Ivy changed it a little to make it more her style so she could submit it. I understand entirely, but it hurts me a little. I spent so long making sure every single sentence had exactly (or as close to as I could get) the effect I wanted it to. Every single word was used tactically, but I’m a little into telling over showing, as Ivy said. I’m going to pay more attention to other writing techniques as well as my own style so I can experiment and improve like many of the artists I know. I always hear them saying "I was trying out a new style" or "I was testing this new paper" etc. I’ve always compared my skills as an author to the skills of an artist, I’ll get back into writing thoroughly before school starts again. Mm, I’ve wasted alot of the holidays, I haven’t really unwound as much as I could have. 2 weeks left, I’d better get back into it pretty hard.

In addition to having to complete as much of my To-Do list as possible, I’ve also got to face The Slowirmirsky. That means "6 hours of practice, every day." I was tempted to go "What the hell you crazy old bitch?!" No offence to any musician who does practice 6 hours a day, but anyone who practices that long needs a life. Badly. Still, I’d better get into that so she doesn’t break down and cry when she hears my fingers don’t work anymore lol. It happens you know, seriously. You play songs a third the speed you used to if you leave them for too long, if that hasn’t happened already I have to prevent/repair it. Well, Eugene’s not composing any music and Mum’s not sleeping, so I’d better get as much practice in as I can.

Ciao whoever is actually reading this.

Mozzy Mania

I. Hate. Mosquitoes.


I woke up at 4am this morning because about a dozen of them were biting me. In the darkness all I could hear was the wizz of them flying past my ear. I was annoyed at first, but later I became a little scared of them until I was slapping myself. I got up and took a long, hot shower, and a few hours later most of the bites had vanished.

At night, I went hunting.

Kill count: 22 (and counting), 4 injured. I was happily slapping and swatting mosquitoes all over the place, and I fell on my bed exhausted. I knew there were more, and I was waiting for them. Hugging my pillow (weapon of destruction to a mosquitoe), my eyes raked the room again but a mosquitoe flew beneathe my peripheral vision. I heard it’s "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!" and I started hyperventilating. It was so terrifying, I was sobbing later. Everyone has a worst fear, and I think these horrible little blood-suckers could give the bird-eating spider a run for its money. I’m scared of sleeping in case they come back, and I just thought I’d confess my newly found fear.

Mm, I have to distract myself so I don’t lose it again. Talking about it makes it worse and I’m paranoid. Okay, good night.

I love Ivy. I wish she could have stayed longer to comfort me, but I don’t blame her, poor girl. She was falling asleep as we spoke, just like I do all the time, hee. I wish I could cuddle her to sleep. Maybe one day. Until that day, I’ll just focus on the.. moquitoe that’s flying around. DIE!!! Eh, I lost it. I’ll just pray really hard that I won’t get bitten tonight. Meep.
Bye… =(


EDIT: In other news, Alex had sent me an email asking me to come back saying he cared about me, that made me smile. I didn’t check it til later though, so he might have thought I was ignoring him. I’ll talk to him tomorrow some time. *tries a weak smile* good night blog, readers.

Back on track

Hey anyone reading! So depressing, all of my previous entries. Now is a happy one!

At least I’d say that if Jamus basically said he wouldn’t care if I drowned myself. He teamed up with Leslie to make an ass of me, but I must say, the poor guy deserves the break. He’s got a good head on his shoulders, but everyone needs a break at some point. It’s time for me to stop having mine I guess, let him feel good about himself and give him some time to know what he did was wrong before I talk to him again.

Anyways, I’m not going to get too moody, I was in such a good mood. Katty was teaching me French today, and I suck enormously, but I will get there! Okay, je peux parle Francais. Pas bien, mais je peux. Woot.

I’m also really proud to have finished Reach for the Skies, which Ivy asked me to edit for her. I’m very pleased with it all in all, I think it’s one of the most amazing stories I’ve ever read. What’s more is my darling wrote it, and I can honestly say it’s beautiful, and moving. I editted it so it had more of a point though lol, now it’s the equivalent of those stories you would annotate in class. I’m very happy about it, and I hope Ivy will be too. To think, she didn’t want to show me because it was crap. Perfect 700 words too, yay to us.

I’ve also got some time today. Since I woke up at 4am because of mosquitoes biting me, I started the day writing for Ivy, and now I’m not really in the mood to play games. That leaves me with my To-Do list, and I want to get off the computer for a while. I’m glad to have the motivation to finally get some of it done, so life in general is looking pretty good today. I’m grateful for being able to enjoy it.

I love and miss Ivy, but I’ll see her tonight, so I’m content. Mew~


Messed by a genius

Okay, just several minutes later I’ve decided I’d like to ramble somemore. I’m not quite done.

I feel trapped, helpless, alone. Mood swing, wonderful blessing of adolescence. Is that even spelt right? Do I care? I think not!


Okay, some time later.. *sigh* God I hate Matt. He always likes feeling on top, he always likes being in control because he’s psychologically more able to succeed than anyone I’ve ever met or thought possible. Isn’t life a bitch when someone messes with your mind at leisure. Fucking Matt. Okay, well nevermind, I’ve got my own life to deal with, no sense in letting someone else interfere with that. Night whoever’s reading, ignore my rambling, it’s senseless and useless. I’ll just go now.



EDIT: No, I’m going to ramble somemore.

Why is life such a bitch? Really, why? Why is it you’re flying, on top of the world, and all it takes is one psychopathic asshole to knock you straight back down to reality? Does anyone care anymore? More importantly, does anyone know? Matt knows. Why do I care? Because it’s my life. These are just mood swings, back and forth, like the ticking of a metronome. Tick-tock goes the clock. Fucking clocks. I’ll end up smashing one with a mallet one day, ah cartoons, such wonderful influences. Okay. What I need right now is to fall over and snore. Or a good old fashiong BASH THE CRAP OUT OF ANYTHING THAT FUCKING MOVES session. Yes, I’d like to try the latter. Nevermind, wasn’t on the plan list. Unless it counts as stuff, then I could do it. Nah I don’t think so, not entirely. I’ll be fine just going to sleep I guess. I have too many pimples. Damn Eugene. Posted my pic on the clan site, everyone I hided my appearance from burst out laughing at my earrings and lipstick. And the "I LOVE MEN" that I mysteriously had appear next to my head. At least I got my vengeance. Rubber ducky blanket, ha. Well I’m being an asshole, and a sadistic one at that, it’s time to go before I end up killing something.

Spongebob Squarepants rocks. We love you Spongebob! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~


The madness ends here. Good night.

Rambles of a genius

Life is tipping up and down now. Perhaps it’s my moodswings, but I’m really hurt at some times and laughing and spinning and making random noises soon after. Though now I’m upset at scaring Ivy with my hysteria.

I was thinking in the car today. Eugene is a better musician than me. It’s obvious. He’s so clearly talented, and I’ll always be the musician’s little brother who knows how to play as well. It makes me want to give up. Pete’s also a better pianist than me, and though I know he’s reading, and I’m awful tempted to say a few things to him which I screamed to Ivy, I’m not going to care. Pete, know your limits, and know mine. I’m not made for the piano. I don’t practice every day, I can’t hear a melody and repeat it without half a dozen mistakes, I can’t sight read for my life, but Eugene’s always been this miracle child. If he knows a song, he can replicate it, or better. He improvises and composes beautiful music. He has touch, he can play whatever he wants, and here I am, expected to fill his shoes one day. I don’t know whether to give up or to try. I know I can rival him. I have the ability, my new time schedual, my motivation. One day, I will play next to him rather than before him, and then I will know I am a musician. I just have to try.

Meanwhile, life in general is kind of sucky. Yes, sucky. Not a word I’d normally use, but I’m feeling very.. well, wrong. I shouldn’t be doing the things I do, I’ve got more of a life than I’m giving myself. Like Mr Happs said, the opportunities are handed to me, but I don’t want to see them. I need to do something with my life. I need to get out there, make new friends, be free. Every day I’m cooped up in my house, waiting for something to happen, waiting for Ivy to come home. All I do is play games, always thinking I can do something later. I won’t let this stop me. I know I’ve got more worth than this, I’ll prove it. Just wait. I’ll make Ivy proud one day, and I’ll be proud of myself. It’s time to live again.

Well then, that was a good old ramble, I got into it quite a fair bit didn’t I? *sigh* It’s also Eugene’s birthday, didn’t really get him anything, not even on RuneScape. Ah stuff it, once we get the second computer back I’ll just dump everything on him and rid myself of the damned thing. Okay, now..

Plan A. Do stuff.
Plan B. Get my to-do list done.
Plan C. Improvise
Plan D. Eliminate all opposition.
Plan E. Out of the question.

Now to do stuff. OKay, the path begins tomorrow morning. Wait and see. A’cc rouk oei ook Pete.