General breakdown in POV

There comes a time when you’ve studied something for so long, understood it so damn thoroughly, know it’s utmost intricacies inside out and on the ceiling, that it confuses you. When you’ve thought about something for so long that you really have no clue how it made any sense at all.

I have decided that, when one encounters such topics, one should best leave them alone, perhaps to return to them later. In present circumstances, no more can be advanced, and any attempt is only going to obfuscate and annoy.

So go find something better to do, because you’re wasting time and energy.

His Rumour

I have heard of his rumour.

He alone rushed into his enemies
and saved his homeland.

I have heard of his rumour.

He ran across the lands and everything he touched was destroyed.

I have heard of his rumour.
I have heard of his rumour.

He gave everyone hope, as he gave me.
He gave everyone fear, as he gave me.

He is now
next to me.

My allies are with me.
My allies, who were once heroes
and old enemies, are here.
As they fiercely combated and competed
Their splendour grew.

June 26th. Be ready for it.

Rules and Womyn

Just something I’ve come to realise.

Nobody plays by the rules. The rules are a facade to make it seem like everything is running smoothly, orderly, with justice. But that’s not the way things are. Real life, the actual life that we live, is not smooth or ordered or just. The rules simply exist to give people the illusion that everything’s under control. Anyone who follows the rules is naive. Elderly couples who think that their grand children are growing up straight and proper are deluded. Goody-two-shoe students who want to befriend teachers and do what they’re told are sorely misguided. The rules, by their very nature, must be broken.

And I’d also like to mention something that’s been bothering me since last night. Wildflame came over yestereve to see a movie with my brother and I. Wildflame has always been my mentor- he’s unquestionably a genius, and has always guided me to think on new levels. I was excited at the prospect of seeing him again (he’s been in Melbourne for some time to be with his girlfriend), but when I met him, he was a royal arse. And looking back, it’s not that he’s changed since last I saw him. It’s that I’m now old enough to listen to the conversations he has with my brother.

I had heard that there were men who treated women as objects. I always thought they were the abusive, rapist type characters that you never met and certainly never got to know. It turns out that my brother and all his friends are the treat-women-as-object types. And after much contemplation, I realised the reason I hate that type so much was because they care nothing for emotion. What’s important to women, their feelings, are joked about amongst men. Joked about. They were laughing about a girl they knew who was forced to have an abortion. It sickened me how they could call her names after what she’d gone through. I cannot imagine a crime that would deserve such retribution.

Who would see a movie just because it has high school girls wearing short skirts? They would. And what’s worse is that I loved that movie for its beautiful plot, characters etc. etc., and it’s just been ruined forever because it was probably aimed at men like Wildflame. Or at least, a significant part of the profits come from them. Who would play Soul Calibur just to watch some girl’s boobs bounce? And why would the creators put that much effort into the physics of them anyway?

It seems that I have been naive. I learn that the world is full of such people, and that I am a dying breed. And that disgusts me. To think that I share the sex and age of them is repulsive. I want nothing to do with them. And I very much miss Dylan, Stephen, Liam, Pat and the other Trinitarians who had at least some respect for human emotion.

And that, as they say, is that. I must find a way to re-open my drawer soon.

Note to self: Seriously.

Don’t ever leave an assignment to the night before again. Productivity diminishes and because of the impending time restraint, priorities change from what the marker wants to read to what the marker will pass. If you have no choice, then at least write the majority of it the DAY before, not the night before. And for God’s sake man, don’t even dream of trying to finish it the morning it’s due.