I know you’ve been having some bad days since you left your job. That’s a pretty reasonable response to what happened, considering your expectations that you’d be there for a long time, and that you’d be able to use the car for a long time etc. It’s a shitty thing that happened.
Don’t beat yourself up for having anxious days my friend. They’re totally understandable. And stop beating yourself up for not looking at other work yet – I know how hard it is to imagine a positive future when you’re stuck in an anxious mind-set. Rather than focussing on surviving your wave of anxiety, instead take a moment to breathe and then centre yourself. I know you don’t always realise when you’re feeling stressed or anxious, but when you do, be mindful of where you are and all the beautiful things happening around you. You don’t have to just weather the storm, you can be an active agent in it, drawing yourself back to the ground and going for a stroll in the sunshine. Focus on what makes you happy and well, and everything else will fall into place. And not just movies and books and stuff, but things that genuinely light up your life, like serving other people and playing the piano.
You can’t always snap yourself out of an anxious wave, and that’s okay. You don’t have any control over when and how the feelings come into you. But you can choose what to do when they’re there.