At my worst

I was going to write a post starting with “When I’m at my best, I’m… and when I’m at my worst, I’m…” when I realised I’d already written it. It is as perfect as the day I wrote it almost a year ago. And I’m so glad I read it, because it continues to inspire and give me hope.

Xin's Weald

When I’m at my best, I am truly amazing. I am loving and generous and joyful and resilient and beautiful and strong and hopeful and kind and patient and so forth. I have many excellent qualities which I love about myself, and I hope it is not arrogant of me to declare them publicly. I am an amazing human being, a wonderful person who inspires others and changes things around me in a way that create more joy, love, kindness, acceptance and hope. At least, this seems to be the case a lot of the time.

But when I’m at my worst… The slightest challenge can overwhelm me. I struggle to care about anyone other than myself. I can scarecely muster the strength to look someone in the eyes, and if I attempt a smile (as I did on a walk a few minutes ago) it is a piteous twitching…

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