Letters to No One

In 2004, I had the idea of compiling a collection of letters to various people, objects and places in my life. It was a way of recognising the impact of the seemingly banal in my life, and a way to express anything I felt towards anyone/thing in a creative fashion. Since starting the journal, I have written only two letters, and this is one of them.

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22nd Dec, 2005.
Dear Rock,

I am well-aware of the implications of writing to a rock. However, seeing as this is my second letter for the entirety of this journal started last year, I would say it’s justifiable.

So. Rock. What’s it like being you? I imagine you wouldn’t have an awful lot to do, and the only difference between day and night is the presence of the sun. A lot of people just say you sit there, but really, what is it to sit? The Australian pocket Oxford Dictionary says it means to support the body by resting the buttocks on the ground or on a seat etc. Firstly, I do not think you that the buttocks get much rest having at least half one’s body weight on them, and secondly, I don’t think you have any buttocks to sit on! A rock with buttocks- wouldn’t that be a sight. Regardless, so it is I argue that rocks cannot "sit around all day".

So if you do not sit around all day, what is it that you do? I bet you think you’re pretty hot stuff, huh? All though and big man like, yeah? fft, you’re so egocentric that you harden to prove it. Well let me tell you something Mr. Rock- you’re not! I could take you. Assuming you could die, that is.

I suppose breaking you in to smaller parts would just amass a larger army to throw at me. Maybe if I ground you to dust? Nah, I don’t think that would work either. I’d just end up having to fight a whole tonne of little rocks. Why, if I cant fight you by yourself, you must be a coward! Ha! You cowardly rock you. What a loser.

Anyways, I’ll stop taunting you now. i’m sure you’re very busy doing whatever it is to pass the time rocks do. Hm… Is it possible?

I do believe I’ve made an amazing connection, and thus figured out what rocks do all day. They stone!* In fact, they’re so good at it they spent their entire lives stoning! Ha! Brilliance.

So, you stony stoner *snugger*. I’ll leave you to get stoned and thus keep stoning shall I? Only kidding- it wasn’t really a question, and I’m going either way, Well, so long!

JMarshall

*Note: "Stone" is a Singaporean term to ‘sit’ – mope?- around and do nothing all day.