On learning and living

Since last week’s interview fiasco, I’ve done a lot of thinking and received a lot of advice. I’ve realised a number of things. Firstly, I am not the same person I was last year. Nor last semester. Nor even yesterday. I am constantly changing, in little ways if not overtly, and I will always be able to learn more about myself and the world. Secondly, I’m human, and being human, I make mistakes. And those mistakes aren’t faults or failures, they are simply and purely mistakes. And if I make mistakes, I can learn not to make them, so in many ways, uncomfortable as they might make me, I’m doing myself a favour. Thirdly I am not perfect. I realised a few months ago that I am not always right- this was a challenging notion for me. I’ve since come to the view that I have my opinion and everyone has different opinions, none more correct than another. I am respecting different views more readily, but still have more work in this area. Anyway, I’m not perfect by nature, and I need to accept that rather than deny and limit who I am. I must learn to give myself permission to accept who I am, faults and all.

I also learned that I write a whole lot of crap about the same stuff. I need to distinguish between the relevant and irrelevant and how to be more concise and less repetetive. Like I’m being now. *sigh*

Meanwhile, here’s another article from Care2, by Isha Judd.

Have you ever really wanted something in your life? Something you
put all your heart into achieving? What happened when you finally
achieved it? Was there a rush of adrenaline? A feeling of triumph? Ok.
Then what happened? Chances are, you started working towards a new
goal. Maybe something more challenging.

It seems that no matter what we achieve, it is never enough. There
is always something more. Got the car of your dreams? Now you need two.
Why are we always waiting for something more?

Most of us spend our entire lives waiting. It has become such a
habit, that even when the things we are waiting for (the promotion, the
marriage, the children) finally arrive, we are incapable of enjoying
them in their entirety – we are too busy waiting for something else
(retirement, the vacation, the divorce). This is because we don’t
really know what we want. We think we want things, but in reality, we
want to feel satisfied. We think we want something that is coming in
the future, but in reality, we simply do not want to confront our
reality and embrace the present moment. This moment, right now, is the
only thing we ever have. The rest is speculation and illusion, but it
is here in the present where life is actually lived. If we are
incapable of embracing the perfection of this moment, we are incapable
of enjoying life. In reality, it does not matter how much we achieve
materially; if we are rich but unable to be present, we will simply
have achieved a more expensive form of misery.

You can create what you want in your life. And then, when you have
what you thought you wanted, you can again create whatever you feel is
still missing. You can go on doing this forever, until finally you find
that it will never be enough. That is when the real adventure begins;
the joy of discovering your true self. Loving yourself is ultimately
the only solution to discontent, and that comes from expanding internal
love-consciousness; an innocence, peace and joy that we had
when we were children. To start embracing ourselves exactly as we are,
letting go of the things that we don’t like, and polishing the aspects
that we admire and enjoy, until we feel such an intrinsic joy that
bubbles up from within, for no apparent reason. This joy, this love,
will be mirrored externally, and it will reflect in all our
relationships. We will start perceiving magic and beauty in the present
moment, instead of discontent, yearning and eternal searching.

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