“To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced life.” – Elizabeth Gilbert
Sometimes we give up one kind of balance for another. Our work lives
take over our personal life, our new families take over our exercise
routines, and sometimes our love life can take over it all. Losing our
balance over love can be fun- actually that in love, out of control
craziness of deep connection can be like a drug, blurring our vision so
that the world has a rosy hue and commitments to any thing other than
our beloved are hard to keep.
Losing our balance when love disappoints us can be just as
confusing. Relationship endings rank as the number one stressor in life
for over 60% of a large national survey and for good reason. It isn’t
just a partnership that ends, for many people, basic identity and
beliefs about family and promises are also shattered. Losing love blurs
our vision of our selves and what the world can be. Keeping up with
other commitments during this painful life re-construction can make
love feel like a disease.
Sustaining a loving relationship requires remarkable balance.
Because no one is easy to love all the time, thriving relationships not
only demand healthy boundaries which respect each partners individual
needs but also the ability to hold what is loveable alongside what is
most difficult about the person. Striking this realistic balance in
love is daily work and can swing between that rosy in love feeling and
The pendulum swing in relationships can be clocked sometimes in
brief moments. Developing the skill to step back and watch your own
feelings change is a useful tool to finding balance. On a good day, the
witnessing can create enough space to not react immediately and often
within hours you are closer to the center again, holding the loveable
and difficult side by side.