I am very, very tired. Stephen, Dylan, Eugene and I watched all three Lord of the Rings films last night, roughly 12 hours long from 8:30pm to 8:30am. We dozed for parts of it, waking up only to catch snippets of Saruman yelling or bright lights on the screen. I thoroughly enjoyed it, though I was loathe to miss certain war scenes, so methinks (while I can say I’ve watched all three of them consecutively) I’ll have to go back to rewatch about half of the second and third movies.

Anyway, the point is I’m tired so I might not be thinking completely straight at the moment. I just wanted to write awhile.

I was doing my readings for Practice Models, and it occurred to me that in family counselling, a man might look at to me to take his side when he’s arguing with his wife. And if I try and calm him and get in touch with his and his wife’s feelings rather than the principles of manhood, he might consider me less than a man. And that’s a fairly unsettling thought. I don’t want to be seen as effeminate or emasculate, but at the same time principle (and over a year of being exposed to feminist literature simply by being enrolled in a humanitarian course run mostly by females since the 1600’s) tells me there’s nothing wrong with being, as some would call it, feminine. However, that would deny me notions of being a man, which is what I am. I compared it to the idea of a Kenyan woman being denied the right to be and to celebrate being an African woman. And while I would not beat my wife and children to show my manliness, the sense of desolation in the imaginary look of the imaginary client (the incredulous look that says, My God man, what have you become?) stings a little.

I guess I want to be able to feel like a man without being a brute about it. Pro-masculine femininty, Pease called it… Maybe it’s worth a look into.

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