Another Wednesday

Thought it was time for a bit of an update. This entry isn’t going to have much in terms of structure, which makes me a poor/lazy writer, but I never asked you to read in the first place.

Didn’t have such a good day today. Woke up bright and early with a decent 7.5 hours sleep (compared to late 6 hours. Still, how can I complain when there are people getting by off 5, even 4 hours a night?) and arrived at ala College. Didn’t feel like doing the human biology study I had planned, ended up playing a game of chess with Matto-san. Chess is a rare thing for me- I’ve played three or four games in the past few years. I won all of them. Did I get better, or did everyone get a bit worse?

Period one was Human Bio with the Bitch Queen ’07. She wasn’t directly mean to me, but made a few remarks throughout class that were derogatory. I can’t stand her favouritism, and it’s my loss to actually loathe one of my teachers, but hell, she deserves the loathing. I didn’t learn anything in HB, and instead tried to cover for the fact I hadn’t done my homework. Need to catch up, methinks.

Period two was a frustrating series of aural tests in music. I completely blew it in most of them. That got my ego down a little, and at recess, I met with Jack to pass the time in a halfway amusing fashion. Unfortunately, he had to cram for a test (where his cheap-arse calculator broke. He later exacted his revenge by drop-kicking it, then smashing it against the wall. I thoroughly disapproved of the needless violence- it scared me a little, and left something of a mess) but we chatted about various crap anyway. At the end of the break, I felt rather bored with life.

I’ve turned vegetarian. I watched a documentary called Earthlings, which goes for an hour and a half, and is about the five uses of animals to human beings. It talks about speciesism- valuing one species over another. We’re all inhabitants of earth, and while we are concerned about crimes against humanity, the crimes against the rest of life are overlooked. Aye, not eating meat won’t change anything, and aye, I might inspire people to eat three animals for every animal I don’t eat, but out of respect for the animals whose lives were taken in captivity, I will do my best to avoid eating them. Earthlings is a bit graphic and highlights human cruelty- it’s not for the weak-willed. Watching a cow being hung upside down, having its throat slit numerous times, having its larynx ripped out before falling to the blood-soaked cement floor where it bucked and struggled… Yes, I apologised to that cow, and yes, I cried. God help me if that makes me less of a man. If you feel up to it, watch the first twenty minutes or so. If you don’t feel up to it, for whatever reasons, fair enough.

In study period I achieved nothing. Wednesdays are good days for me. Periods 3 and 5, just after recess and just after lunch, are spent studying/working, which is thoroughly productive and generally quite enjoyable if I can keep awake. This particular Wednesday, not so. I felt unable to work, and I couldn’t shut out the dozen conversations going on. Marsala kept trying to persuade me to kill certain people- it’s just one of those stupid things people pretend I have a reputation for. I ended up spending most of the period exchanging death threats with him and getting progressively more bilious. By the end of it, not only was I bored with life and all it had, I had become invincible. Someone could have stabbed me with a knife and I probably wouldn’t have been all that fazed by it. Nick was snapping scissors because, frankly, he’s an idiot and needs something to amuse himself at any given time. He started threatening to cut me, and I stood up, walked over, and complied to let him. He didn’t of course, so I moved my hand inbetween the blades of the scissors while he was cutting them. He moved his hand away, and I followed until he started beating me with the flat of the metal. I truly felt that there was nothing that would affect me. It transcended apathy, it was simply pure indifference. There was no point in doing my schoolwork, there was no point in living, really. Sure there’s good every now and then, but bad is far more certain. It’s not possible to live a perfectly happy life, but it’s possible to live something closer to an entirely miserable life. Why bother? When so much suffering lay ahead, why torture yourself into doing homework? No, the teachers could do what they wanted to me. If I could care less about being shredded by Nick’s scissors, like hell the teachers could harm me.

Period 4 was Applicable maths. Ever since my earliest memories, I’ve never been fond of maths. It was my choice, aye, but it’s a choice I’m comfortable with. I’m very far behind on the course and everything they talk about, the exercises they do, the things they practice and discuss, completely escapes me. I noticed, to my derision, that I was attention seeking. I just didn’t understand anything. I started hurting Liam, and even myself, in the hopes someone would notice I wasn’t feeling quite okay. If they did, they didn’t care, or didn’t respond. So I spent the period becoming increasingly desperate for someone to pay some attention to me, without success. I didn’t go for lunch after that, I just stayed in the classroom when it emptied, looking out the window at the river. Pretty river, that. Laurence Bye noticed and joined me, uninvited. He pestered me for a bit, and I ended up using Taekwondo (illegally. If Master Ross knew, I’d be in trouble) to hurt him enough to leave me alone. After that, Liam, Patrick, Richard, Henry, Mark and a few other people entered the room. While Jack was practicing his physics, I planned to spend lunch by myself, and was quite annoyed at the intrusion. I also (accidentally) speared Mr Tobin with some desks I was carrying for him- sorry Tobes. My bad. I contemplated going home. I knew I wasn’t going to learn anything in the following two periods so there was no real point in going there to suffer. All I could think about was playing Resident Evil- one of a half dozen pleasures in life. Annaliese, the school counsellor, wasn’t at school today so I couldn’t talk to her, Jack was busy, RE was all the way at home, and all the people I wanted to see were beyond my reach. So I crawled under a desk, curled up, and waited for everyone to go to class.

The bell for period 5 rang. I didn’t leave. The classroom was empty, and Henry had planned to stay there to continue studying even though he had to go to calculus. I decided to join him and play Pokémon Diamond, which I had brought to school for something to do on the train home. Henry chickened out (for want of a euphemism) so I just stayed there and played Diamond for 45 minutes. Joel Tavner joined me a few minutes in to do his chemistry assignment. Initially I had tried conversation, but Joel, clearly more experienced, admonished me for mentioning his name while there was a class next doors. So we spent the lesson whispering occasionally. Mr Porter walked in 10 minutes before the end of the period, and I stashed my DS before he saw it. To his credit, he basically waved us off as he began putting test papers on everyone’s desks for the Discrete test period 6. He’s a kind man, and I wish I could repay him somehow.

After that, things picked up. I played some Resident Evil (HOLY CRAP! Note to self: Do NOT shoot regenerators in the legs. They will crawl towards you twice as fast as they can walk, latch on to your neck, and freaking drain the life out of you), went to Taekwondo (Ross imparted more of his wisdom on me. It’s not about strength, it’s about precision. If it was about strength, I would never beat someone who’s stronger than me), did stuff. Neglected my homework. Spent more 43 minutes writing a blog entry instead of sleeping. Will be getting up in approximately 6.5 hours time for another fun-filled day of school. All in the life of me, I guess.

So yes. Not such a good day, but with the help of Pokémon, things picked right up. Ah my beloved pocket monsters- you’ve saved my life yet again.

Peace.

~X

Note to self: Anya + Wildflame.
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3 thoughts on “Another Wednesday

  1. Bethwyn says:

    Why say that it isn’t possible to live a perfectly happy life? Why say that? You don’t know that. You can’t know that. By saying it’s impossible, you have denied yourself the possibility of ever getting it. My dear friend, I am glad that you have cheered up through playing video games, but I wish that you had more strength to get through the day. I agree that it is hard to get through a whole day sometimes…everything and perhaps everyONE seems against you. In my case, even your own body is against you sometimes, trying to rid itself of your presence. But it, to me, is about showing your strength at continuing on, even when all odds are against you. It seems that lately, it is not only perhaps your classes and such that are against you, John-san, but your own mind. You seem to think that you are incapable of making a difference to your own life, and that is completely untrue! Everyone has the power in themselves to change their view of life/school/friends. To be honest, I have had times when I’ve thought that I haven’t had a friend in the world. But that thought can never be trtue if you are friends with yourself. It sounds terribly arrogant, but it’s quite true. I hope that you are able to befriend yourself/respect yourself, and from that, perhaps not have to hurt others to get attention.As I am in advocacy right now, I will end this comment, complete a blog myself and then off I trot to English Literature, where I have to tell my teacher that I don’t want to submit the long essay tomorrow, because it is CRAP. >sigh< at my abilities in short periods of time. but hurrah for my desire to make it right!And hurrah for History Tutorials after school.Keep smiling, John-san.

  2. Stephanie says:

     -le sigh-
    I love it when you post these types of entries and I am proven right once again. :)
    Why didn’t you tell me any of this last night?
    Though I admit, we were both slightly more concerned with the fact that there could be a deranged angry male in my house whose sister informed me today has anger issues. :( Good thing though – she isn’t mad at me, and has no idea what occurred last night.
    I had counselling today. Not sure if I told you, but I no longer have Amy (she got let go)
     
    For once I actually started to cry. Since then, I keep crying over the smallest thing. Plus (very childish moment) my grandmother told me off because I refused to eat some slimy thing that looked like overcooked lettuce. Psshhh… I mean, c’mon. I eat every other freaking damn vegetable on my plate, I never complain about meals and the majority of the time I eat the whole meal. Grr. She makes me angries.

  3. Coco says:

    You do sadden me, but I do understand to some degree where you’re
    coming from. Funnily enough, video games are sufficing me as well. I
    got Final Fantasy III :D
    I hate going to Media because I’m so far behind, but I’m usually so far
    in front in say.. computing that I am actually allowed to play DS in
    class while I wait for people to catch up. Oh the contrast.. I hate the
    education system, and I’m starting to lean very anti-capitalist despite
    my lack of political/whatever knowledge. Schools make you do all these
    silly assignments that you NEED to do to get a grade and, in turn, a
    decent job or university entrance to get a degree for a job = feeding
    Capitalism. The biggest insult is that they test you on these stupid
    things that you never cared to learn in the first place. How DARE they?
    I don’t know why anybody would want to become a teacher and give
    themselves directly to the education system. It’s just ridiculous. And
    oh, what about this new law to keep kids in school until year 12?
    Wasting their life away! I wish there were a better way :/

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