Update: He threatened Zelda. And then it got worse.
Okay, well, this is going to be a typical angsty, bitchy, whiney teenaged rant. Don’t pity me, scorn me for being such a jerk about it.
Me: Eugene, can you get the lotto ticket out of Mum’s bag?
Eugene: John, help me look for the digital camera.
Me: You didn’t get the lotto ticket.
Eugene: I’ll ruin Zelda for you.
Me: What’s there to ruin? I’m up to Hyrule Castle, there are no twists left.
Eugene: [explains the various final battles and the ending cinematics]
Me: Great, thanks Eugene. Now I’m really going to help you look.
Eugene: Well you weren’t going to anyway. [So he ruins Zelda for me regardless?]
Me: It can’t be found.
Eugene: Help me look anyway. I’ll delete your Zelda file.
Me: You wouldn’t. [And if he did, he’d suddenly discover that he was missing a limb.]
Eugene: All right, I’ll delete your Mii. [Character used to play Wii Sport and Wii Play. He’d be deleting a month of my video game existence.]
Me: Why would you do that?
Eugene: All right then, I’ll just have to hide Zelda.
Me: *ignores him, or more correctly pretends he didn’t threaten me like that*
Eugene: John, help me look for the digital camera.
Me: You didn’t get the lotto ticket! And that was a small favour in comparison, because it was in her handbag, so you wouldn’t have had to search the whole house for it.
Eugene: Still going on about that? I do favours for you all the time! Paid for your meal even, as a surprise! [And he did, by the way. Brought Subway home unexpectedly, even though I didn’t eat it.] But you’re too selfish and stingy to give f***!
That’s basically a summary. I’m still not sure if I’m in the wrong for not helping look for the camera. Firstly, I didn’t think it could be found. Secondly, I took a recent example of when he denied doing me a favour. But Eugene’s right, he does bring food home and shares it with me, and he does give Mum a lot of his money, which is more than I can say for myself. He’s not such a bad guy, but he was definitely in the wrong for killing Zelda like that. As I said. Luckily I had anticipated him being a complete asshole, so I passed it early in the morning when everyone was asleep. Why am I happiest when no one’s awake/home? Seriously, I’m not kidding, that’s when I’m most comfortable.
Anyway, so he ruined Zelda. Next he threatened to destroy my Zelda file. And then he got angry, and yelled at me about for being an ingrate. So he got progressively madder. I have to wonder what he’ll do, now that he’s even angrier. Fortunately for me, he found the digital camera (which I assumed was impossible) and he’s completely forgotten about it, because he’s a capricious asshole! Lucky me.
I have a good, happy relationship with Eugene. We watch movies together, or at least, he asks me to watch them and says that I spend no time with him and basically blackmails me into it. I don’t mind spending a bit of time with him and watching a decent movie, so it’s okay. We played chess a few times (I beat him two out of three, believe it or not), talk, he took me to Jack’s place and so on. Simple conversation while we’re waiting to go places, you know. We’re on fairly good terms. But then I don’t do what he wants me to, and shit hits the fan. He can no longer ruin Zelda for me, although he thinks otherwise, but he’ll find more creative means to punish me.
You know, I had a dream last night. One of the worst nightmares I’ve ever had. I dreamed that Eugene was basically, Jigsaw, from the Saw series. He was going to show me how to appreciate life, brotherhood, family ties and happiness. No more ungratefulness, no more saying No to doing him favours, just being a good little brother and learning my place. To teach me these lessons, well, I can only remember two examples. I went through trial after trial, but the two I can remember are walking into a barn. On the opposite wall to the door, there was a switch. I knew from my experience that pressing such a switch would likely close the barn door, lock me inside, and give me a time limit to fight for survival. As soon as I pressed the button (going back was not an option), a pack of wild dogs were released and I ran for dear life. Imagine, if you can, what it’s like to dream you’re going to be torn to shreds because you pressed a button that released the hounds. And you had no choice but to press that button, knowing full well it would likely kill you. The second example was my final trial. I was chained to a fountain and fireworks were let off all around me. They shot into the sky, then they’d fall back to earth and scorch me with their cinders and sparks. This was my purification ritual, my atonement, to pay for all my sins. Once I survived the burns and pains, I would be pure, I would have paid for all I’d done, and I could be Eugene’s little brother again. And by this stage, I had completely acquiesced. My spirit, even in my dream, was broken, and I gave in. I was willing to suffer in penance. I wanted to be hurt so Eugene could forgive me, and love me. I would live as the perfect little brother, and honour him and all his wishes. I had learned my place.
That’s twisted. To dream like that, and to feel in your dream as if you should honour your bigger brother… God, I basically invented Saw 4, and I suffered the trials. I dug through syringes, I sawed off my foot, I was burned alive in a furnace. I suffered, and felt the pain in my dream, and when I survived it all, I learned my lesson. Eugene was God, and I loved him, and had to work hard and behave myself for him to love me too. That’s twisted, orright? What kind of relationship is that? What do I really think of my brother? Do I love him? Do I respect him? Do I fear him, do I hate him?
But yeah. This entry is an extremely longwinded one. I apologise if you read all of it. I wonder if, in my heart, I can ever fully accept and love my brother. Sometimes it’s very difficult, sometimes because he makes it so, or because I’m just unwilling to be Christian. Anyway… I don’t want to go to sleep in case I have another nightmare. Isn’t that pitiful?
You know what? Ignore this entry. I didn’t swear much, which means it’s mostly reasonably lucid and intelligent, but I wouldn’t bother remembering it. I still don’t know if I’m in the wrong for being such a jerk to my brother, and writing bad things about him behind his back.
PS: He’s making a remake, in movie-format, for his RuneScape clan. He’s actually quite famous for this particular little rant, where he yells and swears at all his clanmates. For example, "I don’t know what f***ing inspired you to attack your own f***ing clan members, but while you raid under Kenshin, HE IS YOUR GOD!" And he’s famous for screaming, at the top of his lungs I might add, "DON’T F*** WITH ME, OR YOU WILL HAVE NOTHING LEFT!" Seriously, he screams loud enough for the neighbours to hear. I’m amazed no one’s called police. Someone’s paying him to turn the rant into a movie. Gotta go he’s coming.