Ehh. I always write one of these in the morning, don’t I?

I had a really, really bad night, as you might be able to tell. Just a bad moodswing that I didn’t want to get out of, nothing more.

I did stumble upon a very important point though. I do let Eugene walk all over me, that much is given. But why? Well, it seems that it’s because I’m too weak to stand up for myself. I’m the cowardly United Nations refusing to do anything about Hitler because they wanted to avoid conflict. It’s so little, to do what he asks, but if I don’t life becomes very unpleasant. I’m just the clerk who gives into demands, hands over the register, and lives quite happily. And I do this every time someone robs the store. Why do I continue to defend my brother? Why do I keep saying (I’m not sure whether I truly do or not) I forgive him, and that I love him? Because I’m weak. I want to avoid conflict at any cost, and I don’t know what to do about it, except pray that Eugene knows what he’s doing to me.

Maybe I should talk to him about it? I know he’ll cut me off and put me down and slam me with a million things he does that I don’t appreciate, but I know I’ll also make him feel guilty when he goes to sleep, and he’ll think to himself in the darkness what a bad brother he’s been. I know because he’s done this before. So why does he continue to bully me? Heavens know. Well, since I’m not going to stand up for myself, I guess the change will have to be in Eugene. Poor boy, he’s not very happy inside, I guess.

Ah don’t listen to me. I’ve turned him into some kind of ogre but we get along most of the time. Just every now and then I don’t put on a movie for him, or don’t play Zelda when he asks, or something like that. He makes snacks, buys things, gives Mum money, mostly doesn’t bother me. I can read, use the computer, play on the Wii. I guess the best way of putting it is, We don’t clash much, and it’s smooth sailing until we do.

Anyway, that’s enough for me. I have Japanese to practice and stuff to do. Sayonara! *bows*


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