He ruined the Wii for me by fricking tearing the box open and setting it up before I even got to read the manual. Same with Zelda. Stuck in the disk before I could read the first page of the game instructions. Why is he so impatient to dive into something that should be treasured?
Why did he make me promise three times to play Zelda before I sleep? Why is he rushing me through it and blackmailing me into playing? Why won’t he leave me fucking alone so I can enjoy the best fucking game in the universe? Why do I play in the mornings while he’s asleep? So he won’t say, "Hey John, to solve that puzzle you have to use those armadillo shells." Gee thanks Eugene. Way to ruin the temple for me. "Oh John, do you know who the Twilight Princess is?" "Who? Zelda?" "Oh, you don’t know!" FUCK! There’s a Twilight Princess who’s not Zelda. "And John! Look at my lovely fused shadows!" "No. I refuse to ruin anything for myself. You’re too far ahead in the game." "But you’ve seen them before." I look. "Notice how there are six of them?" "But I thought there were only three. Eugene! You ruined something else for me!"
And not looking at the screen doesn’t help. Because he calls out, "Wow, Hyrule Castle is so nice!"
Fair enough. He ruined the fact that Hyrule Field existed. He ruined the fricking Serenade of Water, which none of you (save Liam) will understand or appreciate. God damnit!
I asked him what he gained from forcing me to play Zelda. He basically said he enjoyed watching me struggle through things he accomplished too. Well ain’t that nice. He’s not a sadist, but he likes to test the extremeties and reactions of human nature. He enjoys watching other people watch a horror movie, and a romance, and a comedy, because it amuses him. And he enjoys watching me play my favourite game so he can be a prick about it. He’s ruining it for me. Jesus Christ, son of Man, he’s ruining it for me. And sorry to get all Biblical on yo’ ass, but damn fucking nation! Move out you asshole! Move! Get out of the house, and leave me with Zelda! Leave me so I can stop being called a copycat because we have the same ideas and you get there first. Leave so I can play Zelda in peace. Leave so you won’t torment me and blackmail me and be an ass. Or give me chocolates or presents or games of Wii tennis. Yes Eugene, I thank you for your kindness, but in truth I am happiest when I am away from you! Or you’re away from me! Yes, that is when I am happiest. I shit you not! When you went to England for two weeks? So happy! Nothing went wrong. White clouds, blue sky, time flew. When you went on Kairos, same thing. In fact, when you go anywhere, I’m free! I can practice the piano whenever I like, I can watch a movie without you taking the disk out and demanding I play something else for you. I can stay on the computer without you hitting the reset button. I don’t have to hide the fact I have a weblog from you. I don’t have to hide food in my room so you can’t steal it, even though every now and then I’m sure you do. I don’t have to talk quietly on the phone so no one can hear me. Because you always say I’m a fake on the phone, so I keep my voice down and am always on the opposite end of the house.
This is not a healthy brotherly relationship! Gotta go he’s coming.