You will die in 47 minutes…

So Doc’s like, Yo Johnny, you wanna play at the art
exhibition tonight? And I’m like, Hell no sir, but you da man. And he’s like,
Yeah I reckon. Don’t worry Johnny, we’ll find you a nice, piano-sized coffin to
dump you in.

For those of you who don’t know me, I don’t get stressed. I
get hysterical. Now is one of those moments where I might say things I’ll later

It would be so, so easy to just break down and cry. Yeah, I
could do it, but that wouldn’t serve anyone, least of all me. I have the
following 1h 51m and 31s to learn 45 minutes worth of songs so everyone can
browse the artwork and ooh and aah. Okay, well in hindsight that’s not so
terrible, is it? Might even be enjoyable. That’s the spirit Johnno- the
chocolate’s kicking in. Maybe if I eat enough I’ll explode and die. Or just
throw up.

Why didn’t I die this morning when it felt like my heart had
teamed up with my appendix to gangbash me? Sure it would have sucked, but at
least I wouldn’t be… No, focus, snap yourself out of it boyo. There are worse
things in life. But this is pretty dodgy, let me tell you. What’s worse is Eugene’s still in bed,
and if he gets up before he wants to, shit hits the fan and everyone gets a
faceful. Especially me. So I’ll just chillax and pull myself together before I
start practicing. Ah well. It had to happen sooner or later, I guess. I’ll be


Completely new topic, just before I forget. I’ve been
getting strange calls from a human female who identified herself as “giggle
girl”, or more formerly, “Triton”. She knows my full name (even my dreaded
middle name) and has denied several guesses about her identity. My list of
possibilities is growing thin. This is what I know about her.

Triton was the Greek god of the sea, or something or rather.
Who do I know would be in to Greek mythology? A few names come to mind.
She knows me. I’ve met her. I cannot place her voice.
Her school has two names. “The Prison” and the other is “a
secret” – just like her name.
When she calls, there are giggles in the background. Upon my
request, I spoke to another girl who humoured me for a moment.
She says “Goodbye. 4, 3, 2, 1,” and then hangs up. She does
this at random intervals.

Triton, if you’re reading, do consider letting me know who
you are some day.

Unlikely to be related, one girl did call me once and ask if
Mr Wall was there. I apologised and said she was likely to have the wrong
number. She persisted, and I said Mr Wall was currently unavailable for talk,
because I was staring at him and he seemed mighty grumpy. She asked for Mrs
Wall, Susie wall and Peter Wall. None of them were available, unfortunately. “So
who’s holding your roof up?” *beep beep beep*


Anyway, 3:05, roughly one and a half hours later. Eugene got up and helped
me select my repertoire, which should last a grand total of 20 minutes. Some of
it’s really dodgy and I should be practicing right now, but Eugene is helping Perry with his TEE
composition and he needs both the piano and phone. I’m running out of time
(leaving in 22 minutes or so). It’s going to be a long night, but not a bad
one, I don’t think. I don’t know, we’ll find out when we get there.

Peace out, brothers, sisters and distant cousins of my aunt’s
wife, twice divorced bastard children.



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