So it is I return. Not quite the same old, but not quite the new and improved. I hope you will settle for a happy medium until I manage to get my act together.
Tonight I plan to busy myself with homework, blocking out everything except the necessity to complete my written tasks. Alas, I procrastinate, but for an age I have been desisting, and torturing myself, by not writing in my weblog. I wish to say many things. Firstly, a myriad of quotes that Frankenstein (good book, that) has impressed upon my soul.
- "-and yet man is blind to a thousand minute circumstances, which call forth a woman’s sedulous attention."
- "So much does suffering blunt even the coarsest sensations of men."
- "Alas! life is obstinate, and clings closest where it is most hated."
- "’Man!’ I cried, ‘how ignorant art thou in thy pride of wisdom!’"
- "…the fallen angel becomes a malignant devil."
***
"And so, with trepidation, I trust logic over instinct. Never a good thing to do, but it seems to be the safest."
I’m pretty sure I was arguing over what to eat for breakfast when I came up with that one, but it seems insightful nonetheless.
***
"I bleed so that others may walk again."
He opened up the cardboard box, smaller than his tiny closed fist, and dropped two ring-tops into them. He had picked them up from cans lying in the street. In primary school, he knew a girl who had collected them, although he wasn’t sure why, and Mrs Dalton (bless her) had asked the class to take off the ring-tops when they were done with their drinks. So it was, a few weeks later, John Marshall decided to start his own collection. The two tops sat idly in their box, and he rattled them for a while with a laugh. How measly a beginning! Ah well. All things must start somewhere.
Years later, three large, plastic boxes glistened with a thousand cans’ salvaging. With great pride, the teen (for such he was, now) took them to school and presented them to his religion teacher. Her delight could not be put in words as she took them gratefully with a promise- that they would soon become the artificial legs of landmine victims. The adolescent smiled and bowed his head a little as he gave up years of his work and even a few drops of his blood as he was pricked, trying- all for hope someone could walk again.
***
"Ha! Tis pittance."
Not sure where this one came from, but it’s catchy. "Tis but a trifle, my dear," sort of thing.
***
"India taunts me again. I have missed out on -one of- [crossed out] the greatest opportunity of my life. It was offered to me on a platter, and I was too indecisive to take it. What was I thinking?"
It seems that every semester, I am mocked by the religion department at school as they talk about pilgrimages in India. Missionaries, fundraisers, ways to help and all the people that need the love. I wanted to go on that pilgrimage, more than anything I have ever wanted [or thereabouts] because I would actually do something for humanity. I’d actually be in the trenches and I’d be with the dying, and the starving, and the sick. Just like all those rants I’ve made to a void of internet and the readers behind. It brings tears to my eyes to think of the wasted opportunity to follow my dream, and yet for reasons I don’t understand, I declined the opportunity to go.
Friends, I tell you with utmost solemnity. It is my greatest dream to go to India, and to hold the dying, to feed the hungry and to take care of the sick. That is what I want to do in life, and I would brave the diseases and ailments if I could actually do something… My window to do it within Trinity’s time is gone. Now I will have to take the task upon my own hands, and may not have friends nor companions to share the burden. I will go alone, and I will live my dream, whether the school helps me or not. God forbid, why was I so stupid in declining the offer? It is too late now.
***
Guess what we’ve started in human biology? The reproductive system. Interestingly enough, it seems the class is more competant at analysing the female organs than the male. It surprises me to note that nobody is calling out "Penis!" across the classroom, except for our most evil of teachers, the dragon, Savvy-Walsh. It also seems, and God knows why, that I am the most adept at this topic thus far.
***
Happiness. I have decided that happiness is the ultimate goal of life, and sustaining that happiness in its peak. Whatever makes your soul soar, for God’s sake, pursue it. While you’re doing that, I shall be a hypocrite and a moron (an oxymoron?) and sit behind my monitor and type.
The more money you have, the more you feel you are able to buy. While this is correct, you do not NEED to buy, just because you are ABLE to. I henceforth make a very stern attempt at not buying anything for myself. Richard has the right idea- buying presents for his friends and sisters, or for the entertainment of others, rather than himself.
So if you have more money, which you don’t entirely need, why aren’t you happy with all the things you buy? Well, you assume you’ll enjoy and appreciate owning them and having them in your house. Fair enough, but they’re really quite useless compared to an intoxicating smile, and it is difficult, but not impossible for money to buy those.
***
The world depresses me. I don’t think it’s possible to save the environment, and unfortunately, I have given up doing anything about it, because I feel it is too late. I’ll do my bit- I’ll recycle and pick up litter and all that, but the world has its priority’s wrong. The planet we’re living on is beginning to crumble, but we’d still much rather ignore that. I wonder who the companies are that pollute and destroy the world we live in? Bummer, that.
***
14/08/06, 12:01pm
I saw, just now, a seagull that could not escape the senior block. It struggled to break through to the light outside, pressing its face against the invisible glass. The only way out was one of the doors, both of which were occupied by the rumble of dumb students. Alas, the primitive brain of the gull could not fathom any other means of escape, and so it listened to its instincts and struggled against the barrier. With wry smiles, my peers noticed it was defecating in fear as it endeavoured in its futile attempt at freedom. Pathetically, it rammed the glass as it grew more desperate, and sadly, I let it be.
***
Economics now depresses me. I learn more and more aobut the conditions in 3rd world countries, and I’m getting more and more convinced that if something is not done about the population crises, we’re all going to consumer all the resources and preish.
***
"John, where have you been?"
I scowled, having anticipated this. It seemed that time always played a joke on me and fast-forwarded before chemistry lesson to make me chronically late. I steeled myself, not wanting Shacko to get the better of me, and answered in my best secret agent voice;
"Classified."
Being a military pilot, I was sure he would understand. He didn’t.
***
"Log, it wretches my heart to think of all the constructs society has placed on gender. I cannot be sensitive. Girls cannot be tough, because it’s unladylike. Sexual harrassment is basically when a man assaults a woman. They are subject to endless degredation. I cannot help but feel angry at the world for shaping its people before they have a chance to shape themselves. Then again. If every babe were allowed to be who they wanted to be, what sort of world would we live in?"
A very selfish one. Whilst I am aware that guidance is necessary for children to become what we assume to be kind and loving adults, it does not seem fair to restrict boys to being boys, and girls to being ladies. Either way, I’m being sexist, but I find it very very wrong for a man to impose himself upon a woman. Or a two-month-old baby, for that. Sickeningly enough, Mrs Savvy-Walsh, aka the dragonlady, tells us plenty of stories about friends of friends who have sustained the most horrible injuries, of these, rape included. I’m not sure I like human biology. I wish I were allowed to wear robes, and not have them called dresses. Not that I have robes.
***
"One of the greatest scenarios you can be in is picking up something you were doing in the past, whether days or years, and say, ‘What the hell was I smoking?’"
***
Warning: More Hitler-style queries ahead.
"I want to conquer the world to save it. Thousands are dying on the streets. Can’t you idiots see that I’m helping you in the longrun? eople suffer because no one acts. I MUST act in order to save humanity before it’s too late. I’m not giving up on the world. Not yet. I can’t be passive about my own damnation.
How do I go about having enough power to reshape the world?? 10:25am, 04/08/06"
The emperor of China had to conquer each of its divided nations in order to unite it as an unrivaled country. None of the nations could see it at the time, and all considered him a tyrant. At least, the movie Hero (Jet Li) said so. I can agree with the principle, anyway.
***
"Strive for excellence, not perfection."
This was my favourite quote when I was eight years old. It is only now that I remember how relevant it is.
***
"No one notices what I do until I don’t do it."
Also very true. I don’t mean to be conceited, but nobody appreciates what I do for them until I stop doing it.
***
"Who are you, who knoweth all I fear to be?"
"I am He who loves you."
Dunno. I just came up with it on the train or something. It sounds good, but it’s indicative of Christianity. Nonetheless, if anyone asks me who I am, I shall try to answer, ‘I am he who loves you.’
Can you imagine someone saying that to you?
***
"It is good pain." – Flash.
"It’s good burn Marshall, good burn!" – Nicholas Barbas, after doing 40 sit-ups.
"Pain is weakness leaving your body." The coolest quote ever.
***
Back in the 16th Century, the Age of Strife, ninja clans were formed and their services were hired to warlords who were trying to seize control of Japan. One of the more famous assassinations involved taking out the general of an enemy clan (Uesugi Kenshin was his name) who was guarded night and day. Undaunted, a ninja penetrated the castle and hid in the cesspit below the toilets. He waited there for days until his target was vulnerable and slid his sword through the floorboards. Cool story, just thought I’d share that with you.
***
"I think my conscience is a defence mechanism put there by God to protect humanity."
I get UBER guilty over the littlest things, and I eagerly seek punishment as justice for my sins. If it weren’t for the overwhelming guilty of a lax conscience, who knows what I might have done? If I weren’t chivalrous (ha, I doubt I am, but it’s alleged) or gentlemanly (HA! I DOUBT I AM!) I could have done things unspeakable.
***
Darn. It’s 8PM. That means I sign into MSN now. I spent, what, some half hour blogging? Rats. Ah well, it’s out of my system, for which I am grateful. Time to entertain the mortals.
~Xin
Xin's Weald 
All true comments. Wonderful.
I would just like to point out that I personally find it reinforcing of gender constraints by saying that "I find it very very wrong for a man to impose himself upon a woman." I agree with this statement entirely, but I don’t think its right to continually put forward the idea that men are the only culprits. There are plenty of female sex offenders, just as many as men. When the TV claims that "To Violence Against Women, Australia says NO", it’s reinforcing the gender constraints that men are brutish thugs with no control over their own loins. That is the sort of image that should be abolished- it pigeonholes men, and condescends to women, something that you, Xin, have made very clear that you disagree with.