I was Artemis Fowl, boy of 12, hiding in my back yard while two goons (Pex and Chips) with large, heavy guns stormed around. I was huddled in a corner for six days, eating fairy-power bars. If you’ve read the books, I wouldn’t sound like such an idiot.
Secondly, I was being chased around my old garage by a 20-foot giant. He was playing a game with me, but if he caught me, I’d probably die. So around and around I ran. I always ran fast enough so I could see his back and wait for him to go around the corner. I didn’t want him to turn around and catch me like that. Eventually I ran away and hid. For a while, I watched him chase nothingness around and around until he realised what had happened. I dashed inside the house, knowing I was already a dead man. He wanted a cure to save his friend, and the whole village was doomed unless we could procure one. Well, we couldn’t, and we had two hours left before he started crushing things. Because I had swindled him, it was more likely he’d just storm the house immediately.
I knew I was going to die, whether in a few minutes or a few hours. I hate dreams like that. Every single time I think I’m going to die, I regret very deeply that I wouldn’t be able to say goodbye to my friends. I wouldn’t be able to say sorry to the people I’ve hurt. I wouldn’t be able to write a will to distribute all my stuff of value. So here it is, briefly.
Mum: You’ve been too kind to me. I’m sorry if I’ve let you down. I love you.
Dad: Not all the world is evil. Thanks for the advice, and the love.
Eugene: I’ve always loved you, even if you’ve been unfair. Pull yourself together lad.
Ivy: I always have and always will love you. Though no longer a boyfriend figure, I thank you for all the smiles you’ve brought. Of course, you can have anything and everything you like. Including your socks.
Shibi: Sorry we couldn’t meet up. It’s been, what, a whole year since I’ve seen you in person? Disregarding Wai-Con. I really miss you Siobhan. Hopefully I’ll see you soon.
Lauren Hutton: Dear God, how can you not hate me for everything I’ve put you through? I still owe you $15 worth of chocolate to repay you for the river cruise.
Persephone: Moreso for you, Lee. I am the cruelest person I know when it comes to heartbreaking. I’m sorry. Do what you will with my ring, and don’t ever give up hope.
Mark Luca: Thanks for the 1kg of chocolate. It is a gesture I will never be able to repay. I love you Mark.
Richard: Chill bro. I hope things go well with your friends.
Ange: Take my naginata. I will always remember you for who you really are, because I know you’re just pretending.
Jack: You still haven’t taught me how to front flip, buddy. Things will work out for you, don’t kill anyone until they do. I know you don’t need my advice- I’ve always considered you the epitomy of humankind.
Megan Lawrie: You are an angel, whether you know it or not. Smile.
Amanda Beckers: SMILE!!!
Adele: Smiiiiiile. And I’m sorry we couldn’t go ice skating- I really wanted to! I’m not dead yet, so a promise was made and a promise shall be kept.
Jess: Sorry we couldn’t go to the city. That’s okay though, I love you nevertheless. Take care of yourself and all you love.
Tuta: Sorry for being such a dick to you. You’re loved, at least by me.
Wildflame: You have been my big brother, even when I could not stand your words. A mentor beyond acknowledgement. Thanks.
Liam B: You’re brilliant. Don’t hide it, unless it works in your favour.
Patroclus (Giles): Your rationale is caustic, but works for the benefit of those who hear it.
Elinor: I don’t know what to say. Sorry for the tears, and thank you for the smiles. I love and miss you, but I am an independent creature. I’m sorry I wasn’t on MSN more, but people are too loud. I like the silence.
Willow: Ah Willow… So much to say. In short, my swords are yours- they’ve always been at your command. Your key is in the bottom drawer of my night-stand. The key to my locked drawer is… bupbupbup.
Georgie: By special request. Georgie, you’re a good friend, and you always continue to intrigue me. You are one of the most perplexing human beings I have ever met, and I thank you for respecting my privacy- at the high costs of demanded time.
To everyone I may have forgotten: Sorry!
To everyone I have remembered, and everyone I have not: I love you all. With so much of my heart that it hurts me. You humans can’t take care of yourself very well. I hope to change that some day, but I know I might never try.
Remember, friends. Love is a gift always worth giving.
PS: If anyone in the list needs to be contacted, they can probably be found in my address book. Second drawer of my desk, big black one.
PPS: This is most definitely not a final copy. I am tempted to delete this entry, but I’ll leave it up. For the moment.