Shogun

Dear readers,

Once again, I have taken a depressive plunge. I don’t know where this stemmed from, but it is not pretty. Feeling sorry for yourself and unexplainable guilty are stereotypical traits of an emo. Nevertheless, I am sorry for my entries being so wretched. And I am sorry for being the nonchalant asshole. It’s not who I want to be. My negativity serves no purpose except to depress, and my tyranny reaps no rewards. I try to be dogmatic, but you each have your own lives, your own views, and your own arguments. Please don’t let me influence them, and if I disagree with you, then I beg your forgiveness, and patience in reminding me to be accepting.

Readers, I will share with you something very personal. As far as I am aware, these are the multiple faces to my person. I am not sure which is my favourite, which I am most commonly, and which one is the real me. From here on, this is all taken out of my real diary. Happy reading.

***

I think I know my number one reason for being masochistic. I consider it punishment for my wrongdoings. (Emo)

Let me try and define my multiple personalities.
-The emo (guilt-ridden or suicidal)
-The warrior (elite fighter)
-The optimist (smile =))
-The erudite (sophisticated learner)
-The apathetic (no one cares)
-The gentleman
-The sweetheart
-The asshole?
-The dreamer?

[Xin. Of course it’s not my real name, but it’s a part of me that I long to be.] So who is Xin? Some combination of all of them? Sounds about right. Xin doesn’t care; he throws himself to the wind’s embrace. He’s an acrobat, an aristocrat- guilty yet guiling. He’s just the essence of living, and he is an unstoppable, gleeful force.

Yeah… Xin’s a legend. I wish I could be like him.

[PS: Sorry for all the emo-ness! I’ll make it up to all of you and bake cookies. Seriously, next time you see me, ask for a cookie and I’ll make you a batch. If you think I’m gay, that’s your problem. More cookies for me! =D]

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2 thoughts on “Shogun

  1. Beth says:

    your too needing of forgiveness. I mean you have to not care what people think. With me for examply what you see is what you get and I don’t apologise for that. You can’t apologising for being who you are. If your not being who you are that’s when you feel bad.
     
    You have to follow your heart and be who you want you to be. Not what anybody else wants you to be. It doesn’t matter how much you love someone, how much you respect them, how much you hate them, etc. You cannot live your life for someone else, you cannot  live to be what someone else wants you to be, even if that someone is your parents.It’s not going to be good for you in the long run. It will effect your heart, your mind, until you become so twisted and changed that you will no longer recognise yourself.
     
    You have to open your heart and your mind and take the path from where your at now to where you’re destined to be. It won’t matter if you ruffle some feathers along the way. It won’t matter if people desert you. If those people where meant you be your friends they would stick by you. If you lose them it just means that they weren’t meant to be a part of your life any longer.

  2. Liam, Baron of Hoskuldstadir says:

    I reckon these kinds of emotional explosions happen during the holidays, when you don’t have the distraction of school to keep you away from your own thoughts. In the holidays, I always begin to think that I may not be using the time that I have wisely, or that I’m not reaching my potential somehow- which then leads to painful self-analyses of whether my potential actually is what I originally may have had ambitions for. Anyway, aside from all that, the point I’m trying to make is that I bet once school begins your latent emoness will take a slide as routine takes hold once again. So be happy, and just hope that you’ll do great this term at school, and you’ll be sufficiently anaesthetised for Term 3.
     
    PS- Having said all of the above, I would just like to point out that some my most creative endeavours have emerged in the holidays precisely because you feel angsty. I reckon kicking the MSN habit means that you’ve reclaimed umpteen hours of your spare time anyway.

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