Despite the fact my brother can be crazy, we still have the occassional good time, when he’s not threatening me to play at Church (I will never) or throwing shoes at me from the door (he’s not allowed to enter without permission and vice versa- it’s a rule we’ve had since we were like 5, hence the shoes, the water, the scratching…). We just came back from Superman Returns and somehow got into an argument about psychic powers.
What would I want? I’ve thought about this before. I want telekenisis- the ability to move objects with my mind. Eugene says this discludes living organisms, because telekenesis doesn’t work on a cellular level, but I say f- that. I’d pick him up and slam him through a window or something.
What does Eugene want? He started off with foresight- selectively choosing what to see in the future. Of course, by selective, I mean he would avoid seeing his own death. He moved on to telepathy- reading people’s minds so he could know how to neutralise threats before they became active, as well as using <Thought Speak>.
"John… This, is God… Bring cookies to the outside of your brother’s door, and leave them there."
He then moved on to controlling people’s minds, like Professor X. That one’s pretty much flawless- it can be used for countless good. He’d march into the Whitehouse, telling the guards to go to sleep, knock themselves out, or if they’re hot females, wait for him in the car. He’d then control G.W.Bush and rule the world for the better. Supposedly.
I’d just ride in on a motorbike and throw everyone against walls, send all guns out the windows and levitate a baseball bat around to whack anything that I missed. I’d then proceed to trash the place, push GWB in the nose, then ride back out.
Eugene just made another choice of psychic powers. Insomniosis, he called it. I think he made it up. He wouldn’t feel the need to sleep, so he could play Pokemon for 24 hours a day. In all seriousness, that’s his latest dream. Adding a third of the lifespan, because it’s the closest thing to immortality, so he could create the ultimate team of Pokemon to beat me with. He should have kept to telepathy. Still, it wouldn’t be fair to control people’s minds, so he’s sticking to gypsy magic (mindreading).
We had a debate about who would win, and who would do what to each other if we had a psychic battle.
Him [foresight]: Avoid the battle, or any of my attacks.
Him [telepathy]: Dodge all attacks and find a way to sneak up on me.
Me: Think about doughnuts so he can’t read my mind, then suddenly blast him with a psychic wave. He wouldn’t have time to dodge it.
Him [mind control]: Make me get him a wheelchair to push him around all day, then force me to drop myself in the middle of nowhere, blindfolded, so he could sleep soundly. Then when he wakes up, he’d regain mind control and make me push him around again. If this is not possible, he would make me drop myself in a spider-pit, and provoke all the spiders.
Me: Get to Eugene while he’s still sleeping and beat him senseless before he has time to control me again. If I’m in a spider-pit, and couldn’t just pick up the spiders, I would break the walls into chunks and squash all the spiders with them. If it was a Shelob sized spider, I’d impale it with a stalactite.
Can you imagine just picking someone up in a psychic bubble, and smashing them into a wall? I can. And I am intrigued. It’s worth spending a lifetime dedicating yourself to… but I have my doubts about its credibility. Maybe I’d just convince myself I was psychic? Well I’m not, at any rate, on any level, but it’s a nice dream.
Liam, Patrick, I know you two have something to contribute about the awesomeness of psychic powers. Speak, brothers!