God damn you all!

(except you, dear readers.)

Over the past few days, I’ve been pushed closer and closer to the edge. I just wanted to write this post so you have some idea of what I’m going through. I considered keeping this to myself and dealing with it like that, but hell, I’m too close to snapping, and I just want someone to realise that I’m losing it.

Seriously, don’t tease me for a day or two. I might hurt you. I punched Brendan Morphett for filling in for Paul with the whole "I wanna make love to you John Marshall" gag. I momentarily crippled Stephen’s fingers. Yesterday in Economics, I was temporarily delusioned and spent the entire lesson laughing hysterically at any excuse. I make quite an ass of myself in public, you know. So yes, first sign, I lost lucidity during class, and made two violent attempts. I sat up suddenly, towards the end of the lesson, declaring,
"I’ve got it! Violence is a psychological orgasm!"
Just feels so damn good, and you want to hold on to it for as long as possible. It looks like I’m not so masochistic after all. I fear for my control, and I believe this is something like what [Ahldrunnia (sp?)] is going through.

I’m not gay, God damn you, because I write poetry. Sure, the romantic poets were mostly homosexual, smoked all kinds of weird stuff, and were as promiscuous as you could get. But just because I imitate the style of romantic literature doesn’t make me gay! Just because I’m strange doesn’t mean I’m queer. I heard Aaron in Year 12 ask someone if I was gay; he was the Cairos member in charge of my Peer Ministry. That was a fricking slash, to the heart or wrist, whichever is more liable. Caring and being sensitive doesn’t mean you’re a transvestite.

Damn your determination to hate everything that’s different. Damn you all!


[please forgive this rant. I needed to be angry for a little while. I’ll try and calm down before school, but just in case, remember not to tease me today.]


6 thoughts on “God damn you all!

  1. Korelee says:

    (hugs tightly) Ity’s okay to feel anger Xin-san, as long as you do not do reckless, stupid things as I have done. I don’t think Samuel Coleridge was a homosexual, nor Percy Shelley (if that’s right) and they were both extremely great writers. And who says romanticism is the only form of poetry? At school right now we’re doing modern poets, particularly Bruce Dawe. He’s not gay, in fact he’s had two wives!
    So ignore the idiocrity of every sheep in society. Be a true poet, never give up. The romanticist poets rebelled against institutions and societies in their writings. Do the same! Be a rebel, have fun, and just imagine everybody either naked, of up to their neck in shit. The higher beings don’t mind us doing that every once in awhile.
    Stay strong Xin-san
    – Persephone

  2. david says:

    *monocle* How did I not hear about any of these instances!? All in due time there John, I’d propose that it’s a "phase" or "stage" depending on which hand guide you read. But I reckon it’s all a crock of shit. Perhaps take it out on a drifter, with no-one he can go get to get YOU into any trouble. No I am not a sexist, I just recomend not hitting a chick.
    ~Later days and sooner nights – <whosits?>

  3. Beth says:

    writing is a healthy way of expressing your feelings whether it be through poems, plays, stories, songs, blog entries (are there any others?). Just becuase you’re not afraid to show your feelings does not make you a emo, homosexual etc.

  4. Georgie says:

    I agree with david(whoever he is) its a phase/stage but i think you could narrow it down to being hormones (Haha your having mood swings and don’t know how to control them properly) but honestly the most you could do was puch a guy in the face! You could have done something more vintidctive you dont hang around me enough. btw i got my learners today 30/30 on the test WOO!!! And if you dont start reading my blog I WILL NEVER READ YOUR AGAIN!!! YOU HEAR ME! eek gtg this was supposed to be a comment not an analysis of you life story (one of them at least). Hey do you think i should get my hair layered ive been wondeirng about it lately-omg what was i thinking i cant do that to my precious hair. yes i think i dhould definately keep it at the one length its so much more feminine dont you think? OMG i did more shopping today with mom at Carousel and it was so cool i got a new dress and guess what! It looked so good on me but thats because its red and its a known fact that red looks best on brunnets because its more striking and trust me i know Brunetts look nest and good in deep/bright colours eg. Red, Green, Blue(but not baby blue thats too pastel), aqua. Purple is a deep/bright colour yes but for some reason it just doesnt look good unless its in ballgown form. And on the Other hand Blondes are suited to pastel colour the best eg. Baby/powder blue (as i said before), Light green, apricot, Yellow, Pink (although i must say i look oh so good in pink). But seriously when my muom used to make curtins blondes would always pick pastels and brunettes dark/bright not so sure about red heads but whatever that besides the point. OOh and thats not the best  bit the dress is Japanese print *sighs* i love it! i also got a black/white shiffon polka dot skirt it is so swishy! Come to Think of it Tash would love it i must take it to Canberra for her to burrow one day remind me. Oh and i got a this really silky brown top it feels so nice! and a Gold necklace (not real gold) and book! btw Do not see Scary Movie 4 (like your friend told you to i read it on the side) the humour was weak 9you could so tell they were running out of material) and it was crude agh so not funny more repulsive and trust me i know it is not your type of thing. Am i turing into a Samurai because i read your signs too and i have a few. Eating with chopsticks, few exceptions: I always eat with chopsticks its not hard to eat rice of a plate. Cold showers: If you rinse your hair in cold water from when your washing it it will be more smooth and dry smoother duh. Always on the ready: Its true when theres a sale you need to be on the lookout and ready to grab something before someone else it may be the only size left for you. Never gets up without flipping or jumping somehow: Idance need i say more? Kneels rather than sits cross-legged: I kneel in Church. Has honour in combat: I love Mortal Kombat! Speaks Japanese: We already had this conversation. Believes in service: There is nothing better than good ond customer service yes i believe in it although these days its going down the drain. I think i got a bit carried away with the comment not that youd call it that anymore…

  5. Georgie says:

    Ok i didnt realise it was that long until i posted it.

  6. John says:

    Readers, you are privileged today. You will never find a more perfect example of a stereotypical teenager than Georgie’s comment. Bless her.

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