Emo rant- be warned

I am a terrible pianist.

Eight years of practice amounting to the skills of a fourth grader. I’m pathetic. Worse. I’m pitiful. This is not a cry for pity or attention. This is me saying I’ve given up hope in believing I will be anything more than mediocre at music.

It’s funny how you realise how tiny the world is when you think about the universe. My brother is that universe. I am the world. And I am so insignificant I may as well not be.

I’m ever so pathetic. I don’t think I’ll believe you if you tell me otherwise. I don’t think you’ll care if I agree.

I desperately need enough time to sort myself out. I’m going to Matsuto’s (Matthew’s) house on Tuesday, where we shall hack each other to bits with his swords. I finally have someone to duel with. I hope I am not disappointed.

I don’t want to go back to church. The idea weighs upon me like a terrible anvil someone decided to dump on my chest when I wasn’t looking. It’s everything I hate about my weekend. It gives me reason not to look forward to Sundays.


One thought on “Emo rant- be warned

  1. Ivy says:

    I can swallow everything you might like to believe about yourself but music wise? don’t even fucking dare think you’re not a born musician. John, how could you let yourself think something like that? Haven’t I always admired your abilities as a pianist? Or are you gonna turn around and tell me I have no right to judge because I can’t even frickin play a tune?
    I can’t believe you’ve sunk to such thinking of yourself. Wake up John! Have you forgotten what I used to tell you? Have you forgotten how I was so proud of your playing, and how your music makes me croon?  Have you forgotten what you mean to me? Have you forgotten me?
    Stop it, Xin. Emo is just so not cool.

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