I know that some people reading this will tell me that I shouldn’t care. And I know I shouldn’t. I know how tiny this notch is in my expansive future (if I have one, that is to say). But I feel as if I’ve performed less than average. I know my potential is, well, limitless. I’m just depressed (now that the rage has left me- depression is anger without will) that I did so dismally when I tried so hard. Not hard enough, I guess, but hey.
Sweet mother of mercy, I just got my report.
And it’s the worst report I’ve ever had.
Religion: A (Excellent)
Chemistry: C (Satisfactory)
Economics: C (Satisfactory)
English Literature: B (High)
Human Biology: B (High)
Introductory Calculus: C (Satisfactory)
Music: B (High)
I started out with an average of around 80% in all of my subjects, bar intro calc. And something’s gone wrong.
I am no longer an academic achiever. I’m mediocre mainstream, but hey, whatever. Marks don’t count, I know that. But I’m still fucking pissed that I could do so badly. One A, three B’s, three C’s. I feel like I should be whipped.
If my efforts weren’t enough, I’m not going to put more in, because I don’t need to. I gave it a shot, didn’t quite make the basket, but I’m still in the game. I’m no longer an academic achiever- something I’ve always been, to a limited extent. That hurts a little, but I have more important things than academics in my life. Besides- I’ve forgotten most of what they taught me since Year 1-10, and I’m having serious doubts about the necessity of what we learn in Years 11-12. Seeing as I’ve gotten on without everything I was supposed to never forget, I guess this won’t kill my future. Afterall, Einstein got through college by studying his friends’ notes.
EDIT: I also have an interview with Mr Shackleton- the chemistry teacher I’ve had for three out of four years at Trinity. He was the reason Eugene (and myself) struggled through chemistry, when juxtaposed (put next to and compared with) Mr Hay- allegedly the greatest teacher in Perth. All the same, harsh words will be said on both sides, as Eugene is coming to the interview. With some luck, I’ll have Mr Hay for the next two years and will hopefully pass chemistry. Just like Einstein.