A rut.

"I just got crucified in my Intro Calc test. 40%- a new low in maths. It would have been 30% if you excluded my EPW, which is a maths assignment. I copied it off Stephen (top maths student) the morning before the test. Mr Gilies wrote "POOR" when I failed to answer a question worth 7/40 marks. I feel most terribly cut. I suppose I should pay attention in class rather than write things like this, but they’re just going through the test. I didn’t exactly have high expectations when I ent in. You see, rather than stressing, I knew I would do dismally because of my incredulous lack of preparation. Considering what I was aiming for, 40% was actually quite good. All the same, worst mark in class, and I’ve lost 3% of the final. On the plus side, I can still get 97% at the end of the year.

***later on***

I hereby declare that maths is not my thing. Never really liked it, and it’s not worth liking. I’d rather dominate a world where I don’t need to find a=x(20-2)x. [By that I mean, there’s Mr Cicchini, who despises Maths and lives a perfectly happy life. In fact, most people do. I still don’t see why I need to get an A in maths to be accepted when people like Cicchini hardly ever use it for anything.]


Additionally, I had an English essay, regarding a short story we supposedly studied this year. I didn’t realise my faux pas  (tactless mistake or blunder) until about 20 minutes to go. The story I was writing about, Instinct (coincidentally, the bedtime story that I authored) was not one we had studied. I may get 0 resultantly. Praying for mercy, I nevertheless was not performing at my peak. I wasn’t prepared, and after 4 and a half hours sleep, I wasn’t thinking all that straight. My Human Bio test was easy though, albeit I couldn’t focus at my prime.


All right. Maths test next week. Looks like I’ve got time to commence studying.


To top all this off, I didn’t make definite progress with Mrs Slawomirski.
‘Who told you to keep playing this?’ she asked. She had no idea. When I explained to her I spent my weekend practicing, she said,

‘I can see that you are desperate… that you want to play very much.’
I pardon her poor command of English. She speaks five languages, and I know she wasn’t reviling me. I played it for her- not one of my better performances, and with uncertainty and anxiety. I ignored her, and my hands stopped shaking. Then she interrupted me and corrected my position, and I lost some nerve. At the end of it all, she explained as carefully as she could.
‘You must learn the whole song before we see who will be cut.’
Cut? She knows the term ‘cut’? And she used it in reference to me? She was more than disappointed in my progress. If it was progress at all."


That was all written yesterday afternoon. Now, one day after, I had a shitty, shitty day. Period 1, Economics, I got picked up for not doing my homework.



I hate that number. Mental note. You deserve this. I hope it worsens.


I really am masochistic."


I felt like leaving school. Not the greatest feeling in the world. I was shattered by the fact Cicchini, one of my favourite teachers, had yelled at me. I used to be one of his favourites, too. The sad thing was, Mum asked me if I wanted to go to school today when I told her how much I would like to stay at home. Being the ass I am, I decided to take the full grunt of the blow. Today was a massive waste of time, and it’s now 8.23, and I am getting off to do my homework. And practice Jupiter. I’ll be busy tomorrow night, so I don’t know how I’m going to get anything done.

Mental note. You deserve this, John. Now get off, and get started. Fool.

4 thoughts on “A rut.

  1. Pat. says:

    You cant say I didn’t warn you .
    Look, just get back up on your feet. It’s not the end of the world. Tons of people have failed dismally in their first tests and essays. In fact, Campisi (who was actually level headed when she sai something to me today-how very weird) went on to say that the boy who won the Geography award last year actually bombed his first test (16%).Oh, and this was because i screwed mine up, and i barely passed.
    So it’s not the end of the world. Unless you make. And thats’ not a very good idea.
    Cheers out.

  2. Rich says:

    Life is just.
    Whatever that means anyway…I suck at school lately too.

  3. Matthew says:

    You know how much work you’re willing to put in.If you’re doing as much as you’re willing to, and still doing bad, the alternative is always open to leave school as soon as you can and get stuck into an apprenticeship or TAFE study.No failed test is the end of the world…"To sacrifice your humanity for better test scores shows how little you truly understand about this world."I may be up myself by quoting myself, but it’s true. Don’t get yourself in the typical "asian" stereotype and study for five hours a day just to get grades that, in the end, mean little (if anything).Whatever you can do, will be enough.Regards, John;The Captain.

  4. Laura says:

    As a highschool graduate, let me give you a tip. Teachers always make the first tests harder to get everyone into line and make them think they need to get their act together (which everyone needs to do). And anyway you’re doing TEE to get a TER and you’re a whole year off in that respect so get a study plan down pat and as long as you get into the uni course you want (keep that in mind and always aim towards it) no one will care what marks you get. And remember there should never be stresses put on you by others because you are doing this for yourself and if not you’re doing it for the wrong reasons so you should have a talk to them and ask them to back (and this may include parents).

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