The Most Stupid Things I Have Done Today

Ouch. That’s a good word for me right now. Ellie’s boots took the skin off my leg. For some reason, my elbow is aching terribly, making leaning on the desk as I write quite hazardous. Hey. Hey! There’s a lump on my elbow! How the devil did that get there? I suspect it  has something to do with dear Elleanor!
 
Anyways, this evening’s entry is all about my immense stupidity, which for some reason, I didn’t mind expressing. It was probably pestilent, and possibly degraded any of the modesty I still clung to, but for once, I wasn’t Mr Pedantic. The setting is a park in Perth, who’s name escapes me. It’s nearby the belltower- fond memories.
 
Number One.
Willow either asked or dared me (I forget) to attempt to consume a large amount of sour sherbert. Ooo that makes my mouth water. I decided I wouldn’t. Lying in the grass a few minutes later, I noticed my sherbert packet and thought, "Sure, why not? I can take it." Ha.

I just tipped the bag into my mouth while I was lying down. Moments later, a small cloud of white sherbert erupted over my face as I coughed it all back up. Sitting bolt up right, I proceeded to cough little whiffs of sherbert all over my clothes and eventually rolled over onto the grass to make a little white patch in a sea of green. Shaking with mirth, Willow passed me the bottle of lemonade which I instantly unscrewed and tipped into my mouth. Fortunately, it washed everything straight down my throat. I collapsed in relief.
"Never doing that again," I groaned, setting the lemonade down.

 
Number Two.
 
A few minutes later, I felt restless once again. Reaching for the sherbert, I was careful not to inhale any, and to be sitting upright when I did it. I emptied the other half of the packet into my mouth and closed it carefully, my saliva quickly trying to break down this beastly candy. My eyes went wide. I cringed, doubling over and screwing up my face, unable to move out of my curled position. In a frenzy, I grabbed the lemonade and tipped a generous portion into my mouth, hoping it would dissolve the powder. I was sadly mistaken, as it became apparent the two weren’t a good mix. The fizzy lemonade clashed with the sour tingle, and the result was far more than any mouth of my calibre could handle. I coughed, spraying it on the grass for several seconds as my body rejected the foul combination. Willow of course, could not stop laughing. Ellie I believe was bemused at my idiocy.
 
Number Three.
 
Being all sugary and sticky, I went for my ablution at the nearby water feature. Just a little pool of flowing water, with male kangaroos nearby. I knelt by it, washing my hands, arms, and resisting the temptation to wash my face (Willow dusted it off for me), for who knows who else has stuck their feet in the water? Willow, who had accompanied me (she seems to be a recurring theme, doesn’t she?), noticed someone had thrown their cap in the water and pointed it out to me. She dared me to get it. Well, what was stopping me? I grabbed it, squeezed some of the water out and headed over to Ellie for her to try it on. Willow stopped me in the interest of preserving our lives, so I dumped it on my head because it was easier than holding it. The fact I was shivering probably didn’t help, but I crawled out into the sun to dry like a repitilian might.
 
Number Four.
 
Willow declared I was on a roll, and asked me to shout "I am the smartest man alive!", just like Happy Gilmore when he correctly answered 2+2. I argued that I needed a raised platform. She indicated the bench. Like a fool, I marched over, stood up, and screamed it at the top of my lungs. Willow lost it in hysterics, and Ellie sort of seemed bored with the idea. Perhaps it’s just me, but she didn’t seem very happy this afternoon. Either way. It was at that moment I heard a shout.
"Hey, it’s Yoshi!"
 
At that moment, I got kind of freaked out. My first thought was that I was drunk somehow, and it wasn’t really happening. My second thought was that I had to leave. Fast. I dashed off the bench and leapt behind Ellie, cowering for a moment, hoping they would go away. No such luck.
 
They turned out to be those Year 12’s from Trinity. One of them asked me a long, long time ago what my name was. For some reason, I was compelled to say the first Japanese name that came to mind.
"Higashi," I answered.
"Yoshi!" he crowed. "What an awesome name!" Ever since then, it’s been a habit.
Regardless, when they came over, Willow dared them to give the sherbert a try. They weren’t quite as stupid as  myself though, but hell, they were missing out on the best damn sugar rush in the world, all concentrated in a little pile of dissolved powder that tries to burn a hole through the back of your mouth.
 
Number Five.
 
Challenging Ellie to a fight. Unfortunately enough for me, my sugar rush from the sherbert and lemonade had made me insanely happy and energetic, and when it was over, I just crashed on the grass (which made my incredibly itchy later on) and found it near impossible to move. It was then I decided that I was more than a match for Ellie.  I was too tired to really do much other than stumble backwards to avoid her kicking me, and my blocks were a lot slower than they should have been. Normally I would have dived on her and pumelled her, but how on Earth was  I supposed to pummel lady Hilda Adair? It just doesn’t happen.
 
 
 
 
We had to run to catch the bus, and unfortunately for me, my body just wasn’t listening and sort of slumped. Willow almost dragged me to my feet. It was a rushed goodbye. I later ate an apple, in the hopes of having some energy restored (as it’s more effective at keeping you awake than coffee- most fruit is) but I ended up hurting a tooth overloaded with sugar. Damn fruit.
 
I stopped by St George’s Cathedral again, like I did last Wednesday. I just like it because it was built to be a magnificent structure with stained glass and everything. All pretty coloured lights, and yet, very dark, and very reverently quiet. It’s a good place to meditate and reflect. Again, I went to the candles, and lit one of them that had fallen off its perch. I put it to one side, and dropped half of my money ($1) into the box, to pick four more candles.
 
Number 6
 
I lit the candles symbolically- one for me, one for Ellie, one for Georgie, and one for Willow. Thanks to me, three were already lit. I lit mine off the one with the most wax left. It burned steadily, flawlessly. That was mine. I took another, reaching deep down where no one else would take a candle, and pulled out Ellie’s. It wavered for a while, but the flame was strong, and it burned boldly. I set it on the rack. Georgie’s was next- steady at first, then wavering, but was eventually put out because I hadn’t given it long enough to burn. I re-lit it, and it shone gently. Willow’s I found at the very bottom of the very largest pile, and ran through all of the candles so the flame came from a bit of everyone else’s. Unfortunately, there was no where to put it. Oh, wait. I had missed a level. I put it on the top of the stand.
 
It was after I left that I realised the candles burned in a shape of a cross.
 
Number 7
 
I had a conversation with a statue, because I felt like it. I checked the name on the plaque and talked to it for a while about being jolly, and bean-like, before continuing on to the train station. I also smiled at anyone who looked at me, in the hopes of making it contagious.
 
Number 8
 
I had another cold shower. I’m surprisingly used to those, so long as I don’t overdo myself. If I start shivering, I can enjoy the cold water, but I start to fear for my health. I usually treat myself to a burst of warm water at the end so I can appreciate what the reason I’m doing it- to tell the difference between hot and cold. It’s probably not good for my body to have the extreme temperatures juxtaposed though. I think I’m willing to dive into a swimming pool now.
 
 
 
 
 
Now I’m really, really tired. I still haven’t quite gotten over that depleted sugar rush thing, and my eyesight is sort of wavering.
 
Number 9
 
Another attempt at sleeping on the floor tonight. I sleep terribly- constantly wake up until I get too frustrated and heave myself into bed in the early hours of the morning, in the hopes I’ll catch an extra few undisturbed hours. I woke up at 3 this morning and kept flitting between consciousness and subconsciousness, until I just decided it wasn’t worth it and set my alarm for seven, lying on my matress, warm and snug and comfy. I dreamed hours has passed without my alarm going off, and I feared every moment that I would suddenly wake to a shrill ring. I was delivered when I woke naturally, seconds from the alarm beginning its morning ululation.
 
EDIT: Eugene woke me up at 2am, for reasons I can’t recall. He made me get on my bed, because he said Mum would never forgive him if he let me sleep on the floor. I found myself too exhausted to do anything when I woke up this morning. I can’t take it anymore. Screw sleeping on the floor, I’ll do it at a less crucial time. Right now, I need to focus on being awake enough to be ready for school. And hope that I’m not haunted by nightmares.
 
I hope tonight that I am so tired, my body won’t care and I’ll just fall asleep and stay that way. I think I’m going to need to go now though- before I just crash. Thanks for reading this far, and good night to ye, oh trinity. Keep the blue flag flying *salutes*
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2 thoughts on “The Most Stupid Things I Have Done Today

  1. Unknown says:

    Tch.  Hilarious.  You’d _so_ better be greatful for that little flash of fun i privided with your humiliation.  Hope it lasts the three months till I come back and think of new and improved (yes, we had a conversation about something never being ‘new’ and ‘improved’ at the same time) ways of getting you to prove you’re stupider than me.
     
    Alas I must go and pack.  Adeos.  Sorry for not calling.

  2. Beth says:

    If you’re going to write about me in your blog at least spell my name right.

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