Just letting go.

I really, really miss you Ivy.
Lee hates me, or is getting closer to it every day. Here I am, sitting at my computer, waiting for your return. I thought you’d be back soon, but that was forty five minutes ago. I haven’t been doing much sinice- idly passing the time across MSN.
I’ve growled at Ellie every time she’s tried to talk to me for the past three days. She picks bad times to try and talk to me- just when I hit the mood that sends me cascading into a void of mindless fury.
Nobody comments on this blog. Not consistently, anyway.  Nobody except the faithful Chazwozzer. I can’t expect that anybody will read this entry, or better yet, shed light on what they think about it.
I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I’m just passing the days, doing what I feel like doing. Reading, writing and gaming mainly. They sustain me. But there’s this thing called a social life. I’ve also been neglecting my family a great deal. Perhaps I should just spend a day away from my computer and clean the house and try to do something with my mother. I know it’s only a matter of time until I go search for Scrabble online. I wish I had someone to play against in real life. I wish I’d lose, too.

Maybe I can invite someone over to my house for a while. That would be a first. Ever since Pete, last year, anyway. And all Pete did was complain about how shit I am at all the games we tried playing. Eh. I have his Christmas present for him. He’ll probably use it to kill me somehow. I love Pete.

At any rate, here I am, existing, waiting. My eyes are tired, my legs in pain. My heart is heavy. I can’t help but feel that, with no one who needs me in life in the same manner Ivy did, there is no reason for my life to continue. I’m almost unncessary, you could say. Ah well, what’s a guy to do? I will continue to wait, as I always have, and always will.



4 thoughts on “Just letting go.

  1. Ivy says:

    Even if I don’t comment, you know I read.You know I’m shy about commenting.You know alot about me.I don’t know what I’m going to do either. There isn’t a day I don’t worry about how you’re spending your days.

  2. Solomon says:

    haiz. get over the girl already. she cant be worth more to u than ur mother.miss her as much as u want but make sure each day the missing is less thats all. move on. walk on. do skipping rope. drink milk. grow taller.

  3. Solomon says:

    Suzanna.There’s a lot of bad karma in you, John. It’s not something anyone should have on Christmas day.Take good care of yourself. Life gets very very hard when you don’t love yourself anymore.The estimated 16 day period of pain is already half over. Hang on to something that you feel secure with.Talk to me. I’ll talk to you.Merry Christmas.

  4. Unknown says:

    See, Christmas does this to everyone…

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